Anything But Easier

Not Safe

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while since I've updated. I don't want to blame it on school, but it has definitely kept me busy. I had hoped to write more consistently, but I would rather give you guys better, less frequent content then a crappy chapter every week. So, I'm sorry it's been a while. Let me know what you guys think!

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Christina glanced up, reading the plaque on the old wooden door for the third time. Room 203 Dr. Philip H Jones. Christina glanced at the email again. "Christina, I would like to meet with you regarding your exam score. If possible, can you come by my office, room 203 in the Jones building on Thursday at 3pm? Let me know if you can't make that time and we'll figure something else out. Thanks, Phil. -Sent from my iPhone". Yeah, this was the right room. Christina's heart was still racing at the paranoia rampaging through her brain. She glanced at her watch. 2:58 pm. She was a little early. Should she wait? He said 3:00pm. But wouldn't that show that she didn't care of she showed up on time? Should she knock? Being early showed eagerness, right? She didn't even know what he wanted to talk to her about. What if he was going to tell her she wasn't fit for the class? What if she was going to get expelled? She groaned quietly and pushed the heels of her palms into her eyes in frustration. No, a biology professor wouldn't expel her. She would have to go to the dean's office for that. What if the dean was in there? Christina lowered her trembling hands and bit back tears of sorrow and fear.
Ever since she was able to read the email after she received in the cafe the day of her panic attack, she's been fretting over it pretty much nonstop. Michelle tried to calm her down, saying it was probably a good thing that her biology professor wanted to meet with her and that her fears were completely irrational. Christina sighed and stared at the name plaque again. She glanced at her watch. 2:59pm. She should knock. Just to get it over with. She clenched her jaw and raised a fist. Christina paused, seeing her hand shaking. No, she shouldn't do this. She groaned softly again and stepped back from the door. No, just do it. Dr. Jones didn't have any authority to expel her, and something like that would be done in the admin building, not in the biology hall. Christina gathered the teeniest bit of courage she had and stepped to the door again, fist raised, ready to knock. Right when her knuckles were about to tap on the wood, she heard a voice and a chair scrape from the other side of the door. She quickly stepped back as the door swung open, revealing a beaming Peter Parker and her pleasant bio professor holding the door open.
Peter's smile faltered a little when he saw Christina and the boy gulped.
"H-hi, Christina," He mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets. Christina felt her heart leap, with nervousness, again and she nodded.
"Hi," She said curtly, fixing her gaze past Peter into the office. Where would she sit? What if she sat in the wrong chair? What if there was no chair? What if she had to stand for a while? She gulped and felt something brush past her. The sensation jolted her out of her anxious daydream and saw Peter next to her, hands still in his pockets but elbow gently nudging Christina's.
"You'll be fine," Peter said softly, giving her a reassuring gaze with his doe brown eyes. Christina clenched her jaw and nodded, glancing at the professor. The man smiled widely and waved his arm widely towards his office.
"Come on in, Ms. Hampton!" The professor announced cheerfully, as if he were a game show host. Christina smiled back, politely and stepped towards the office. Just as she slipped inside and the door was about to close, she heard Peter say 'Good luck!' Before the latch clicked. She gulped, stepping to the side so the professor could walk by her to get to his chair.
"Have a seat," He said, motioning towards the simple chair in front of his desk. She nodded and sat down, surveying the room. It was small, like all the other faculty offices, and bookshelves lined the off white walls, overstuffed with books and papers. A few pictures of the professor, his wife and their two kids were scattered about, some of them posing and some of them candid and blurry. A picture window behind his L-shaped desk lit up the room, casting everything in a cool, grayish tint. The light reflected off the framed pictures of his degrees that hung on the wall above his computer, which was littered in sticky notes and the keyboard hidden by stacks and stacks of exams and essays needed to be graded. The professor sat down in his squishy swivel chair with a thump and a sigh. Christina slowly slid into the seat across from him, easing her backpack gently onto the floor and did her best to hide her anxiety.
"So," Dr. Jones said, fixing his gaze on Christina as he leaned back in his chair. "I wanted to talk to you about your recent exam scores."
Christina gulped and nodded, straightening her posture.
"They're really high," He said, glancing at a small stack of papers in front of him. "Your average is 98%. The lowest grade you have on your transcript is a C, and it was during your first quarter here and in..." He slid a pair of glasses on his nose and squinted at the paper. "In... Literature 400: A study of the Bildungsroman, its meaning and affect on society." He set the paper down with an amused smile on his face. He glanced back at her. "Which seems understandable since it's pretty fair out from your majors in biology and chemistry. Which, I might also add, you're almost halfway done completing both degrees, even though you've only been enrolled for a year."
Christina nodded, feeling her brow crinkle in confusion. What was the point of this meeting? He's only mentioned her exam scores once. Why was he summarizing her transcript?
"On top of all of that, you completed 24 AP courses during high school, graduated as salutatorian with a 4.0 GPA and earned over $40,000 in scholarships," He said, a hint of awe and confusion in his voice. Christina gasped a little. Why was he talking about her finances? And now her high school grades? What did that have to do with anything?
"I'm sorry, Dr. Jones," Christina felt herself speaking before she could stop herself. "But what is the point of this meeting? I'm sorry for being abrupt, I'm just very confused. I thought this was about my exam scores, but it seems like it's about something else..." Her voice trailed off when she saw Dr. Jones raise an eyebrow at her.
"First of all," The man said, "Call me Phil. I hate doctor. It sounds like I'm either Indiana Jones or Dr. Phil. Which I'm neither." He laughed at his own joke, provoking a small smile out of Christina. "Secondly, I don't think you're a good fit for the majors sequence."
Christina's heart shattered. It happened. She wasn't the right fit. It wouldn't work out. She blinked back tears and fought to keep her expression neutral. All she could do was nod.
"I'm recommending you take the advanced placement sequence," Dr. Jones finished.
Christina jerked, staring at the professor. What?
"Ad... advanced placement?" She repeated in shock. Her heart raced, but for a different reason.
"Yeah," The red-haired professor nodded. "You're too smart for me. Same with Mr. Parker. How you guys made it a year into college without getting recommended is a shame, to be honest." He shook his head and sighed. Christina smiled, feeling the beginning of joyful tears stinging her eyes. "Anyway, I know we're about halfway through the quarter, but I want you guys to start the AP sequence next quarter. I already submitted recommendation letters for both you and Mr. Parker to the dean's office a couple weeks ago and I finally heard back; you guys are approved." He flashed a bright smile. "You're easily one of the most brilliant students I've had, Christina. You have the most complicated questions, your essays are incredibly insightful and full of curiosity, your lab techniques are near perfection and your reports are immaculate. How do you manage not to stain your notes with dNTPs and taq polymerase?" He chuckled with amusement. Christina rested a hand over her mouth so she could hide her obnoxiously bright smile.
She was going to be in a collegiate advanced placement program. She was too smart to be taught by Dr. Jones. This wasn't real. There was no way that this could happen. No way. This wasn't legitimate.
"Yes, this is really happening, Ms. Hampton," Dr. Jones chuckled. Christina blushed furiously and slapped her hands over her mouth in embarrassment when she realized she spoke her thoughts out loud. "I really hope I get to see you after the quarter is finished. I know you're going to do great things."
Dr. Jones leaned forward, propping his elbows on the desk and looked at Christina. "That said, I do have some advice; Keep up the good work, Ms. Hampton."
Christina straightened and nodded, dropping her hands as she listened to her professor.
"Just because you got rewarded does not mean you should stop now. It won't get easier from here," He continued. "It'll get anything but easier from here on out. You think you've been studying often enough? You're wrong. These classes are the hardest classes offered in the undergrad programs. They have a 79% drop-out rate and the average GPA is a 2.9."
Christina gulped, feeling a bit of doubt and fear rise within her. Suddenly AP classes didn't sound as fun.
"It'll be one of the hardest things you'll do. It might even make grad school look easy. But, I wouldn't recommend you if I didn't think you can do it." He gave her a small smile. "What do you think? You think you can handle it?"
Christina swallowed as a barrage of questions bombarded her brain. What should she do? Can she decline? What would happen if she did? What if she accepted but couldn't handle the load? What if she failed everything? What if she said no and missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime? Should she just grab onto with both hands and rush into it, big time? Could she delay enrollment? Maybe take more classes, increase her credit load so she could simulate a larger work load and higher stress level? Oh yes, that sounds like a good idea; let's amplify the stress. Christina sighed and ran a hand over her hair. She glanced at the professor. He was waiting for her response with a small smile.
"I'm thinking," She said, smiling a little. "It's... It's a lot to take in."
"It is," Dr. Jones agreed, nodding slightly. He leaned back in his chair. "If you don't accept, I understand. It's incredibly intimidating. But if you do accept, I know you will do very well."
Christina nodded slowly, slipping back into her brain.
Should she just do it? It would be easier to drop out than to try to get back in, right? If she accepted and coudn't handle it, she could just drop out of the program, right? Her GPA would stay up and the stress levels would definitely be lower. Stress did not help her anxiety one bit. Christina bit her lip.
"If I don't accept," She found herself asking before she could stop herself. "Is there a chance I could accept enrollment in the future?"
Dr. Jones shook his head. "No. You can only get into the AP classes on this campus via direct professor recommendation. You can't go to another professor and request to be recommended, the professor has to do it of their own will and using their best judgement. We can only send new applicants to the admin's office for the sequence."
Christina nodded slowly again.
"Do you need a couple days to think about it? No problem if you do," Dr. Jones asked politely.
Christina blinked, glancing at the man. She should just do it. She can't turn down something like this. A chance like this only comes once. She'd be a fool to turn it down.
She smiled and nodded.
"I accept," She said, hardly believing her own words. Dr. Jones gasped and laughed with victory and joy.
"Yes!" He shouted, pumping his fists into the air. "You're going to do great! This is wonderful! I'll send your confirmation letter right now!" Christina couldn't help but laugh and smile too, joy filling her chest. She felt like she could explode. The last time she was this happy was when she got accepted into ESU. She clapped a hand over her mouth to hid her obnoxious and girlish giggle. Professor Jones turned to his computer and began to type furiously, a smile lighting up the room brighter than the gray clouds and the computer screen. After a few moments, the professor dramatically hit 'send' and cheered. Christina laughed again. He almost seemed more excited than she was. She couldn't believe it. She was going to be a collegiate AP student! At ESU, those were rare, the top 15% of total enrollment got admitted into the program, and like Dr. Jones said earlier, one of the most rigorous programs in the school. And she was going to be a part of it. Christina was both excited and scared to face such a large challenge, but right now the excitement and joy was overpowering her doubt.
"It's official, Ms. Hampton," Dr. Jones turned towards her and smiled even wider. "You're an AP student at ESU. Congratulations!" He stood up and held his hand out to shake hers. Christina smiled wider and rose to her feet, shaking the professor's hand firmly before bending down to pick up her backpack. Dr. Jones stepped towards the door and opened it, the gentle creak nearly drowned out by his booming laugh.
"I'll see you in class tomorrow, Ms. Hampton," He said cheerfully. "Enjoy your last few weeks of freedom."
"Oh, thanks," Christina teased, her excitement getting the better of her. "You're so reassuring."
The professor laughed. After saying their goodbyes, Christina walked away from the door, trying her best to contain the excited skip that threatened to take over her legs as she walked down the hall. She walked until she heard Dr. Jones' door close and she squealed, spinning in the air. Her backpack, clutched in her hand, weighed on her arm, making it swing more steadily with the added weight.
"See?" A voice said. "I told you it'll work out!"
Christina stopped, suddenly embarrassed at her childish display and scanned the empty hallway for the voice. Peter Parker was sitting on the floor against the wall on her left. She gave the boy a small smile and slipped her backpack over her shoulders. Peter stood up and brushed the dust off his backside as he walked to her.
"Did you accept?" He asked eagerly, his brown eyes as wide as a kid's on Christmas morning.
Christina beamed and nodded. "Yes." Her voice was high-pitched with her barely contained excitement. Peter laughed and, before she could register what was going on, threw his arms around her waist, pulled her close and began to spin her around in the air. Christina squeaked in shock and instinctively wrapped her arms around Peter's shoulders. The boy laughed loudly, pure joy lighting up his face, which was fixed on Christina's. She laughed and smiled at his giddiness, enjoying the feeling of his arms on her waist.
After a few gleeful moments, Peter stopped spinning and gently set Christina down on her feet. When they both stilled, Christina was surprised to find herself slightly reluctant to leave Peter's arms. He felt safe. Not like all the other times. Peter was safe. Peter was nice. He was safe. Christina scanned his face, admiring all the little details since he was only a couple inches away. He had large pores and a few blemishes along his hair line. His eyes were big and soft, as they always were. His lips were thin and pink. His eyebrows were crinkled and raised slightly. His cheeks had a hint of pink in them. His shoulders were broad and strong, despite his smaller frame. The grey sweater he wore was cheap and worn out, but soft to the touch. Christina found herself gently tracing her finger over the fabric, feeling each and every thread beneath the pad of her finger. Peter's breath hitched and he pulled her against him a tad tighter. His gaze was locked onto hers.
Why was she so drawn to him? She barely knew him! And here she was, indulging in a cheesy, horrible romance movie-like moment with him in the middle of the university hallway. Christina swallowed and tore her gaze away from Peter and decided to lower her arms. But, her hands decided to develop a mind of their own and not leave Peter. Her fingertips traced down Peter's arms, feeling the curves of his muscles twitch at her touch. His breath hitched again and Christina felt his fingers clutch the back of her coat. She felt his warm breath tickle her cheek as he leaned closer. Wait, leaned closer?
Suddenly, Christina was back at the cafe, with the creepy man. His hot breath tickled her neck. Her heart raced. She was petrified. Every muscle was twitching, ready to propel her away from the danger. Her brain was screaming for her to run, to punch, scream, fight, anything. But something made her body still as a statue, unable to move, barely able to breathe. She couldn't do anything. She shouldn't do anything. She just had to stand there. His breath crept closer to her mouth. Nope, that was it. Something let her legs move and she stumbled backwards. She pushed the man away. She slammed into something hard. She blinked.
Christina was at ESU. She just finished her meeting with her professor. She was staring at Peter, who looked concerned and horrified.
"Christina, I am so sorry," Peter said, hands out apologetically. "Please, forgive me. I didn't mean to do it I didn't mean anything I, I mean I did, but I didn't. I'm so so so so so sorry." He kept rambling but she blocked him out. He wasn't safe. Peter wasn't safe. Christina felt that familiar rock in her stomach, that warning that something was wrong. She clenched her jaw. Peter wasn't safe. Fear and anger coursed through her bloodstream equally as she shoved her hands into her coat pockets and stomped away, heading back to the hall entrance. The hurt and fury made her repeat the statement like a mantra in her head. Peter isn't safe. Peter isn't safe. He just wanted to use her. He didn't want her. He wanted to hurt her. He wasn't nice. He wasn't kind. He wasn't sweet. He was dark. He was cold. He was evil.
Peter wasn't safe.