A Freshman's Journal

Entry 4: Growing Up

I miss high school, you guys.

Well, not high school, but the whole structure and familiarity it came with.

I miss everyone, if I'm being honest. I miss everyone from school, almost everyone at least, and I miss everyone that I used to see everyday.

I miss the band, especially. More specifically, I miss my section.

For seven years, myself and five others spent at least half an hour together, five days out of the week, playing the trombone. At times, I hated them. I did. They took their jokes too far a lot, and never realized it. It's not like I spoke to all of them, either. Landon and I hardly spoke. I didn't like Cody up until we were juniors, and even then it was iffy. Chris and I were friends, but he did some, I'll say unpleasant, things. It wasn't anything bad or illegal or anything. It just kind of lessened my respect for him. Greg and I never spoke much, actually, up until high school. I'll be honest, I don't remember him even being in band. I remember Dylan, but he left, and that's for a specific reason. I do have little memories, like a few minutes where for some reason they just stuck. Like in middle school, Greg's mom was so worried about someone stealing his trombone that they got a padlock for his locker. A padlock. And he used it.

They were terrible people, if I'm being perfectly honest, but I love them. Sure, they took things too far, but I could always count on them if I needed something to laugh at. 

I don't miss Zach. I mean, I'll be bothered if something happens to him, but I'll more or less not care. He's one of the worst people I've ever met. All the guys love him though. Well, all but Brian

Desmond, I mean, I do miss him, but I don't. He was often the leader of the jokes taken too far. He was caring though. He was a decent guy.

Brian, Korrie, and Nick. Brian, he was probably one of my better friends in high school, even though we haven't spoken since May. Korrie, I don't know. He was sweet, at first. Well, 'sweet'. He was a trombone player. He definitely was nice though. Midway through being a sophomore, he just began changing into a major douche. I could never say anything near him, I could never be near him, without a stupid, rude, or offensive comment. Nick. Oh man. He's a sweet kid, he is. But he's a fucking asshole. I miss him though. Definitely less than most, but certainly not least.

Tyler. Unlike all the others, I remember when I saw him. I was in Boswell, I think, and I saw him talking to someone and I told myself 'wow, this kid's cute. he's probably a freshman.' I was right. And then as it would turn out, he was part of my section. He was great, and I do love him. He was a good friend to have. Everyone kept saying he was this super stupid kid because of the way he acted, and a lot of people told me that they hated him, but I didn't believe them. I decided that I would build my own opinion of he was, without anyone's interference. And I did. As much as I love Tyler, there were times I hated him. This was due to the fact that I care about him. Once, actually I'm pretty sure it was last year, my senior year, that he was talking about going to parties, drinking, and then driving places. He was making jokes about drinking and driving, and I was standing two feet from him, literally tearing up. I don't think he knows why, because I was really reserved in high school, and I didn't like talking about my family.

This next person, I've complained about her so much. Cora. I didn't like her from the start. I tried. I tried to be her friend, but I just couldn't. She talked shit on people I cared about, told me that I was the cause for depression, and then got offended when I said something rude back. Sure, she was joking, but you don't go around fucking telling people that they're the reason you're depressed. That's fucked up.

Then there's the current sophomores, who were freshmen last year. I don't think I remember them all, but here we go. I'm just going to skip over my sister, obviously.

Joe. I'm pretty sure he dropped. Joe was okay, we never spoke much. I never really got to know him.

Kendall. She was okay at first, but then she got super damn aggressive and I couldn't be bothered with her anymore.

Erika. This girl was like 16 and a freshman. She was obnoxious, loud, rude, and didn't have any type of discipline. Most of the times I felt like harming someone, it was her. Oh, and apparently, I made her cry. Yeah. The section then had a meeting after rehearsal one day, and section-leader Nick talked about being nice to each other. I had a feeling it was me, so I asked him, and he was like yeah. Honestly, I made Kendall cry as well. I didn't intend to. Everything I said to them, I said to everyone else.

Trayton. Bless his soul, but this boy was bad. It isn't that he didn't try. He did try, and in my own personal opinion, he tried the hardest out of the freshmen. He improved a lot. I'm pretty sure he lives down the street from me, back home.

I'll probably come back in and add whoever I forgot about.

Finally, for the last member of the trombones, but certainly not the least, the assistant director, Balla.

Oh boy.

Balla.

I really doubt that he knew it, but sometimes I felt personally attacked by Balla. I don't know why. Every now and then, it just felt like he was singling me out. And I knew then, and I still know now, that this isn't true. It just seemed that I was the only one that didn't get along with him very well. Despite that, I did love Balla, and I still do. Should he not have been my teacher, and I were ten or so years older, I feel like we could have been really good friends. But I find it really weird, being friends with past teachers. He is great though, and as much as I disliked him, I loved him even more.

I had a lot of love-hate relationships with my section, and I'm pretty sure it was just me feeling it, out of 90% of them. With Erika, she knew that while I disliked her, I still also liked her. It was just really complicated.

Anyways, that's all.

I miss stuff outside of high school as well, but this was just high school.

I really do miss home and everything. I miss everyone from high school.

I'll see them someday.

Probably just in town, or at our reunions.