Voices

Truth unfolded

I hear these voices 24/7. My family, they think I'm delirious and psychotic. So their way of "helping" me was to send me to a mental institution for a year. When they came to pick me up after that year they asked if I was any better. I told them of course that I was, even though I wasn't. I still heard the voice. And what's even better is that the mental institution made them louder. It's almost like it was too loud there so they had to be roaring so I could hear them. But they calm down every once in a while when I'm alone.

This all happened when I was like 6. It's been 12 years since then and whenever I'm near my family I have to act like I don't hear them, but when I'm alone I sit in the corner covering my ears trying to block them out. Some nights they're so deafening I can't sleep, and others I cry myself to sleep because I know that these voices will never go away and I'll have to act like I don't hear anything because no one will ever believe me.

At one point one of my cousin that lives in a part of South Korea came to visit. Like always, I would act like I didn't hear anything, but that day it was just to much. I had to leave. All the voices in my head and the voices of my family were just to much for me to handle. I ran out of my house and went to the park so I could just be alone and where no one knew me. When I got to a part of the park where there was only a few people I found a spot where I could just sit and cry. Covering my ears and rocking back and forth. Hoping. Just hoping that these voices that I keep hearing will go away. I was tired of always acting. Acting like there was nothing wrong. Acting like I was normal. I was tired of suffering. Suffering from these voices . Suffering from being alone. Suffering from suffering alone. Suffering from acting. And acting like I'm not suffering.

As I was rocking and trying to make them go away I didn't realize that my cousin had followed me out here. I only realized it when I heard my name being called.

"MORGANA!" She was looking for me, but I didn't want to be found. She kept calling while I kept hiding. Every time she said my name the voices got louder and the harder I would cover my ears.

Once she finally found me she didn't say anything. Just called my parents to tell them where I was. My parents showed up not even 30 minutes later. They seemed worried but I knew they were just mad about me lying to them for all those years about being better. They then explained how I "hear" these voices and going to the mental institution then lying to them about being better.

"Oh, well there's this really nice place in Soul that can help her. I've only heard about it since I live in Busan. Obviously she would have to move down there. I can help her get used to living down there for a while but she would need to find her own place to stay." I think she said. I could only hear mumbling because of how loud the voices have gotten. After that, I don't really remember what my parents response was or how they managed to get me home. But the next day I woke up in my bed. The voices in my head silent for the first time. It was almost like they were sleeping. However, it didn't stay that way as soon as my parents came in.

"Morgana, sweetie we found a place in Korea that can help you." My mother said.

"Your going to leave next week. We have everything ready for you. We found a nice apartment for you and the school is in walking distance from where you'll live. We even bought your plane ticket for you." My father informed me. I wasn't really mad at them for this because it was a chance for me to actually get to leave and experience living on my own for the first time. What did scare me about this was being alone 24/7 with these voices. Here I wasn't completely alone.

It's been a week now and today is the day I'm leaving for Soul.

"Got everything Morgana!?" Mom yelled up the stairs to me.

"Yeah! I'll be right down I just have to change first." I yelled back.

"Okay. Don't take to long or you'll miss your flight." She said in a teasing voice which made me giggle. I then walked to my closet and pulled out some clothes.

I ended up picking a black crop-top, high waisted ripped jeans with a mesh type material under it, a Nike bomber jacket and black baseball hat with my black vans. Once I was done putting whatever else I needed away I headed downstairs.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked my mom after I put my stuff down by the door.

"Eggs. Want some?" She asked turning around with a smile. I just nodded and went to get something to drink and headed to the living room.

"Hey mom, where's dad? I thought he was coming to send me off as well?" I asked realizing that he wasn't home.

"Oh. His work called this morning telling him to come in. He really wanted to be there when you boarded the plane today honey, but he just couldn't." She said handing me my food. I told her thank you then started eating. Once we were both done eating we headed out to the airport.

~~~~at airport~~~~
We made it to the airport and past all the security. Now it was just a matter of finding the right gate.

After about an hour we finally found the right gate with like 3 minutes until I boarded. So we just talked and when those 3 minutes were up she hugged me really tight and said,

"Be safe, okay. Try to make friends in your new school this time. Oh, and don't forget to call us when you land safely. Okay?" I reassured her that I would, then boarded the plane. For as much as I hate them for not believing me about the voices, I knew that they still cared about me. And because of that I'm going to miss them.