=Brooke= and ^~Brooke~^ 's rant book!

i wont shrivel up, goddammit!

^~Brooke~^ here.

So uh...trigger warning...eating disorders mentioned.

So it was during the 2nd semester of last school year. My dad and stepmom had made dinner. I dont know why this happened, but I wasnt hungry at all. They made made pizza. I told them I wasnt hungry. This tried to occur a few more times during that night. I didnt want them shoving a piece of fracking pepperoni, dough, and cheese down my throat.

And throughout the year, and even now, if I'm not hungry, and I'm open about it, my father will give me these words over and over again.

"If you don't eat, you'll shrivel up."

So I'm confused.

And this is coming from someone who isn't very active, but has a brother who is the same way, but can eat whatever the hell he pleases.

So if my brother can eat only waffles, lunchables, and 20 mini ice cream cups, and get emotional over an empty bag of chips and a broken candy bar, it's normal?

But apparently, if I don't eat because I'm not hungry, which is also dependent on how I feel that day, whether it be good or sick, I immediately have an eating disorder?

Anorexia who?

Look, I'm sorry if I'm shaming anyone. Really, everyone is beautiful, and unless you gave emotionally, physically, mentally, or vErbally hurt me, you're good in my book.

But telling me over and over that I'll shrivel  up because I dont want to fracking eat one meal? You can get your little wagging finger, and walk out the doors of my respect.

Look, I know, I'm sorry, but if I want to get better? If I want to become fit, I know exercise and a decent diet is the right way to go. I wont starve myself, but I won't overly fill myself. I am just under or right at one thirty. This is what I found.

So as you can see, I'm average weight. I'm also 5'4. Almost 5'5. So I guess it evens out on my body. I'm not that comfortable in my body but I've kinda learned to accept it. That's one step closer to getting better mentally and emotionally.

Please

Whatever you do

If you are struggling with body image issues, EDs, etc, talk to an adult. A friend, someone you trust.

Just not someone who talks behind your back for 5 months straight like I just found out last night but then again she gave me vibes so hAh.

Anyways, ciao.