It's been 603-
Six-hundred and three-
Days
Since I fell in love
With you.
603 days
Since I saw you in the
Laundromat,
Pouting,
Probably subconsciously.
603 days
Since I saw color
For the first time
In your eyes
And the roundabout
Tumbling
Of sweaters
In washing machines.
In those 603 days,
I have cried.
A lot.
I have hurt myself,
On purpose.
I have isolated
Myself from those
That I love.
I have belittled myself
And gotten frustrated
On multiple occasions.
I have lost someone
That I loved.
I have blamed myself
For the inevitable.
I have wanted
Nothing more
Than to die.
But in those 603 days,
I have also smiled.
I have laughed
Out loud,
And without hesitation.
I have cried
Happy tears.
I have called myself pretty,
On purpose.
I have spent time with those
That I love.
I have dressed up
"Just because"
On multiple occasions.
I have looked at myself
In a mirror
In a random shop
Somewhere
And smiled.
I have lived,
Because of you.
If I had not seen you
The way I did
In a laundromat
603-
Six-hundred and three-
Days ago,
I probably would not
Be here.
I probably would not
Have taken my dog
On a walk today.
I probably would not
Have smelled coffee
This morning.
I probably would not
Have seen New York City
At night.
I probably would not
Have opened my blinds
Today,
Or yesterday,
Or last Tuesday.
I probably would not
Have fallen
In love
With you.
And because of that,
I probably would not
Have fallen in love
With myself.
I will admit,
It is still hard.
I still have bad days
Where I isolate myself,
Where I call myself names
And don't want to get out
Of bed.
But even so,
I still catch a glimpse
Of a girl
In the mirror
Of a random shop,
In a random town,
And I smile at her.
And she smiles back.
Because of you.
