My thoughts and what not

It hurts.

I wish I was a sociopath. I wouldn't feel anything . I wouldn't feel a need for "friends" and people.I can only worry about myself.I wouldn't hurt because of people. Everyone will leave one day thats the truth.Really nothing lasts for ever.Everyone you love will either die or leave.Both hurt the same.

 Maybe I am fake.Thats fine it true I believe no one is real.I mean even After a blow out with one friend. Only one person asked how I was feeling.If it wasn't for her would I have swallowed the pills?

Most likely.

I am so sore.It all hurts.I want some destructive way to cope just so I won't be able to feel this pain.It's my fault for this blow up I should have apologized.. but i am over apologizing. No one apologizes to me? But i have to bend my back in sorry's for everyone? I want someone to listen to me.

I should just be quiet now.No arguing, no sorry's , nothing I should just never speak. She will get bored soon.I can't hurt her too.She doesn't need that.I will just wait till she hates me to. Maybe then I will swallow the bottle.

My emptiness is taking over I don't see anything other then darkness right now.no future. I don't get a future.I shouldn't get one. college doesn't matter. my animals don't matter. Art doesn't matter.I don't think I matter. I know I do to at least one person.But I honestly think no one else would care.Not now anyway. 

I don't want pain anymore.I don't want happy anymore. I just want empty. So I can stop hurting.