My dad hasn't been home in a while which is a relief. I can actually sleep at night. I sit on my couch reading one of my favorite books. It's a Saturday. Two days since the Richie incident. I ran out of there so fast. He tried to stop me but couldn't keep up. I feel bad for leaving him but I needed to be alone. I liked it. But I can't be with Richie I just can't. Not happening. He probably does that with all the girls anyways. Makes them spill there heart out then looks at you with those big eyes and curly hair. Then leans in knowing well that they can't resist.
A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I get up and open the door to see Eddie looking at his feet. The door startles him.
"Hey Eds!" I smile
"Hey temp wanna go on a walk with me?" He smiles back
"Sure thing just let me grab my vans." I rush upstairs to grab my shoes and run back down the stairs slip them on and shut the door behind me. "So where ya wanna walk to?" I say nudging his arm.
"I don't care I just wanted to talk"
"Are you okay?" I ask. I can hear the sad tone in his voice.
"Yeah for sure. It's actually about-"
"Richie" I interrupt
"How'd ya know?"
"He told you didn't he"
"Yes. I'm his bestfriend clearly he would have. The thing is.. I just thought you didn't like him." He says looking at me with raised eyebrows.
"I don't!"
"Uh huh"
"Seriously I don't. I can't why would I? It's Richie Tozier."
"He likes you"
"He's probably like that with every girl eds I'm not taking it to heart"
"Tempy I think he really does like you"
"Why do you say that?" I ask nervously
"He talks about you a lot."
"He just wants in my pants" I say quickly.
"Yes I'm sure he does..it's Richie. But I think he wants more than that also" Eddie laughs
I laugh along with him.
"Tragic" I say softly
"What?" He says confused looking at me.
"I can't be with anyone Eddie" I say stopping sitting on the curb.
"Why's that?" He says sitting next to me.
"No I'm not pouring my heart out to you" I say play punching his arm
"Temprence we are friends c'mon"
"I hate telling people my feelings"
"We can just sit here till you're ready then." He says grabbing a handful of dirt and tossing tiny rocks into the road. We sit about 10 minutes until I decide I'll spill a little. Maybe it will be good for me.
"I'm just scared I guess" I say ending the silence. "Every male I've ever had in my life hurt me and I can't afford to be hurt anymore. Not while I'm still hurting." Eddie looks at me with sympathy "Stop"
"Stop what?"
"I hate it when people feel sorry for me. Makes me feel weak"
"Okay sorry I won't feel sorry for you anymore. Keep going" he nudges
"Love is scary. it changes. it can go away. I don't want to be scared." I say pulling my hair back with a ribbon I found in my pocket. "Every time you let someone in your life they have millions of opportunities to walk right out with no explanation and I don't like that feeling. The feeling of not knowing why. Makes me feel stupid. No one can ever like me anyways. I'm too complicated. I mess everything up." Eddie nods his head. And looks into my eyes. I look away playing with my shoe string.
"Why can't anyone like you?"
"Because Eds I'm Temprence. I'm not good enough I can't do anything right I'm a stupid girl with stupid feelings. Everything about me is just stupid." I say in almost a whisper because my voice is cracky from trying not to cry.
"You aren't stupid.... and any boy would be lucky to have you." Eddie says sternly. He almost sounds angry. I look at him. "Go talk to Richie. He thinks he did something wrong."
"But-"
"He can't get you out of his head" Eddie says standing up and walking away towards his house. Leaving me on the curb. I sigh. Maybe Eddie is right. I need to talk to him. I stand up and start to walk slowly to Richies house. I try to rehearse what I'm going to say to Richie when I get there. I need to tell him the truth. I can't like him. I can't be with him and he needs to stop worrying about me and go fuck with his other girls I'm assuming he has. They are probably better than me anyways. Prettier. Skinnier. Funnier. They probably don't have any outside issues. Their parents probably love them. Tons of friends. Honestly why does Eddie keep saying he likes me anyways. I'm a nobody.
Eventually I end up at Richie's. With no clue what to say to him. I knock on the door. Mrs. Tozier answers with a huge smile on her face.
"Temprence!" She pulls me into a hug.
"How are you??" She says concerned
"I'm fine Mrs.Tozier thank you" I say smiling back. "Is rich around?"
"I'm sorry sweet heart he actually just headed out. I'm not sure exactly where he went" she laughs.
"Thanks anyways I better get going."
"Okay hun you stay safe okay." She says sweetly but with that mom look on her face.
"Okay I will." I say nodding.
Quarry. He's got to be at the quarry. He's not with Eddie and that's usually who he hangs with. I make my way to the quarry which isn't super far from his house. As I reach the trail leading to the cliff edge I see his curls peaking through the trees. Finally. But shit what am I going to say, fuck. I'm frozen. I can't move. I just keep starring at the back of him. Sitting on the edge of the cliff like he did the first time we properly met. The time he helped me. He didn't have too, but he did. That must mean something right?
"Richie?" I say. He whips around.
"Temprence" He says turning his head back around to look at the water.
"Can I sit?"
"Sure I guess." He mumbles
We sit in silence for a while.
"Why are you ignoring me?" He says this time him breaking the silence.
"I'm not"
"You left and didn't talk to me for two days. You're ignoring me..."
"Richie.." I say in that whisper again trying not to cry. I hate these type of situations.
"What?" He says sternly
"I can't like you" I tell him looking straight ahead of me. At the sunset. He looks at me. I saw his expression change out of the corner of my eye. He was sad. Heartbroken. I didn't want to hurt him I really didn't. But I cannot lead him on to think I can have feelings for him. He just continued to look at me with sad eyes.
"You can't or you don't?"
"I can't" he shakes his head look straight ahead of him. Finally with minuets of silence
"You've given up on me before this can even start." I can tell he was starting to get angry.
"I'm sorry"
"No you aren't." He quickly states. I look at him. "I'm not good for you. I'll ruin your happiness. I have to much on my plate that I don't want on yours. It's dangerous."
"Stop" He says getting up. He starts to walk away but then turns around.
"Maybe I want what's on your plate" he says then continues to walk away. Leaving me by myself looking at the sunset.
Shit. Why do I always mess things up.
TO BE CONTINUED...
