Peter Parker Imagines

Be okay

A/N: Yeah so this is super angsty.. sorry? 

Prompt: "You're not real, you're dead, I shouldn't even be listening to you right now."

He haunted her a lot in those first days. She would just sit alone in her bed again, it was all too much to get up anyway, and there he would be, standing in the doorway. Smiling like a doofus, a stupid dead, doofus but then again he wasn't dead if he was standing in the doorway? She sit up in bed and just stare of him for a while, until he came and sat next to her. She would lay her head in his lap and cry because she knew, she knew it all wasn't real, but she needed to believe it was. It was the only way for her to keep her head above water.

"Come back." She said, looking into his eyes.

He cupped a hand to her cheek, "I'm right here."

"Your not though, your gone and I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." She said through tears, "Your my best friend. I love you." A kiss, quick and hurried because he has to go. He always has to go, too soon, and shes left there again alone. So freaking alone.

Its a month after the fact that she actually goes back to school. The halls are empty literally, and figuratively because honestly, even if he was the only one gone it would still feel just empty. She sees his locker and runs to the bathroom and throws up. Its all too much, and she doesn't know if anything will ever feel right again after everything that's happened. He appears again while shes throwing up, holding her hair up and she swears she can feel his hand on her back. Hes telling her it'll be okay, she'll be okay but she doesn't believe it because he's not real.

But the throw up that she finds her in hair minutes later is proof of just that. He's gone, just deal with it. Her mind rebels against that at every possible opportunity, it keeps telling her hes here when she knows hes not.

Three months later, the hallucinations still haven't stopped. She misses him still with every fiber of her being but its lessened somehow. Time won't heal her wounds, she knows this but time and distance makes it better. The pain is less sharp, less pricing, three months later it was dull ache. Thinking about him brought a hint of a smile to her face before a tear to her eye, and even though he was standing behind her clear as day, she was okay. So maybe fake, Peter was right but that didn't make her any less sure he wasn't real. Her mind was trying to cope, or thats what the therapist said anyway.

Six months later, the tears have stopped. DIstance and time have worked their magic and she is okay. He visits less so she treasures the moments when he does, she thinks her mind is beginning to be okay, and is going to make him go away all together. She lays her head in his lap and tells him she'll be okay without him, because she has to be not because she wants to be. He runs a hand through her and just nods, he knows she doesn't need him to say anything he just needs to be. So he just is, and she is okay.

A year later, and shes good for once. She walks the halls and doesn't feel sick to her stomach that hes not there, that he didn't get to grow up because of some cruel twist of fate. Everyone else is okay too, they are all moving on and up, not forgetting who they lost. She wears his sweatshirt when she feels anxious, just to feel close to him and thats when he comes back.

Like when she likes a guy, and she wants to ask him out so she wears the sweatshirt. She knows he would want her to be happy, so she wears the sweatshirt so he sees she is, no more crying no more puking no more nights lying awake thinking about how much she missed him. She walks right up to the boy but then draws back. The sweatshirt feels hot against her chest even though it was the middle of winter. I shouldn't be doing this, She thinks, What am I doing?

But then he appears next to her, in the way he used to, when he was there. "Just do it, (L/N) what are you standing here for?"

"I-I can't." She says, her voice is almost a whisper, "Why am I doing this? Why are you here?"

"I'm here because you need to man up." He puts a hand on her shoulder, and she can feel it, the tears and brimming in her eyes. "Don't cry because then he'll think your weird, just go ask."

"No, no." The tears are coming now, harder faster because she can feel him there next to her like he really is there, it feels like for once, no more mirages no more tricks. It feels like a sign thats shes doing the wrong this if anything. "You're not real, you're dead, I shouldn't even be listening to you right now."

He stretches his arms around her and pulls her close, before pressing a small kiss to her forehead. She can smell his scent, and feel the warmth of his body against her, but he isn't there, he isn't. "I love you, okay?"

"Okay." Her tears start to dry a little, and she sniffles laughing at herself. "You can go." She turns to him, and lets out a long breath she didn't know she was holding. "I'll be okay."

"I was waiting for you to say that." He smiles, "But not now, I want to see this." He pushes her forward, "Go (L/N)."

She walks up to him and taps him on the shoulder, "Hey, Jack do you maybe want to go out sometime?"

He smiles at her and her cheeks grow hot. "Yeah, yeah. Sounds cool." He's blushing and she can see it but she is too so its okay.

"Awesome." She turns to look at Peter and he's gone, but she still feels her, telling her that hes proud of her.

She never sees him again but she feels him always.