Gender Matters (Eddsworld FanFiction)

//I Take That Back.\\

Tamara awakes from her slumber to realize she felt worse than she did yesterday morning. Her head was pounding, and both her legs and her back ached. Oh boy, what a bad idea of Tamara's to get out of bed so quickly. She almost tumbled over all the empty bottles of Smirnoff that were sprinkled around her room. She looked over at her nightstand, which had a note, a cup of water, and a couple of aspirins. Tamara picked up and read the note:

Hey Tamara!

You were extremely drunk last night, and I was expecting you to be hungover this morning. Unfortunately, Matt and I both have places to be, so we can't stay and tell you all the crazy shit you did. Tord might though! Go ask him!

Try not to kill each other!
~Edd

Tamara sighed heavily, took the aspirins and a sip of the water and stumbled out of her room, tearing the note to bits as she searched for the Norwegian commie. "Alright, bastard, where are you?" She hollered. "Holy fuck, why are you in such a bad mood?" Tord responded from the kitchen. Tamara followed his voice, growling, "Because I have to spend an hour (or more) with you," while poking Tord in the chest. Tord lifts up Tamara's chin, cooing, "Aw did your boyfriend leave you?~" Tamara shoved Tord, huffing, "Piss off, commie. Edd's not my boyfriend." Tord chuckled. "If you say so." The tension between the two fill the air was broken by a familiar "ding!" from the oven. "Ooh, my bacon!" Tord squeaks as he takes out his bacon. Tamara rolled her 'eyes' and got some bread out of the bread box. "God, its going to be a long couple of hours with you." She gripes under her teeth. "Hey! I heard that!" Tord shouted, taking a bite out of his bacon and immediately burning his tongue. Tamara presses down on the toaster's lever, snapping, "Good."

An hour passes and the two have drifted off to do their own things. Tord was pleasuring himself in his room while Tamara plays Susan in her's. Tamara soon gets tired of playing and puts her bass away. She decides to try to get along with Tord. Unlike more popular plot holes in books, Tamara know how to know and does so to alert Tord to hide his dick. "Hey, Tord, can I come in?" She asks. Tord panics, but still manages to to sputter "Uh-uh yeah! Sure, lemme just..." before shoving his creamed corn back into his drawers and cleans off his sheets the best he could in as little time as possible as Tamara waits outside his door. After he cleans up and throws a pair of pants on, Tord opens the door, panting heavily. "S-so.. wh.. what was it... th.. that you.. wanted?" Tamara laughed so hard at the sight of Tord, she could barley ask her question. All Tord could do about it was fold his arms and wait for Tamara to shut up.

It took Tamara a full minute to stop laughing, and Tord waited through every minute of it, continuously asking "Are you done?" When Tamara actually did calm down, she held her sides with one hand and wiped off tears out of her eyes with the other. "Al.. Alright... I just wanted to know if you wanted to go somewhere with me." Tord raised his eyebrow. "Where?" He asked. Tamara shrugged. "I don't know, anywhere, I guess." Tord thought long and hard about his decision, and decided, "Fuck it, why not?" and shut the door. Tamara pivoted ad left to get herself ready.

Tamara decided to let her hair down, despite the fact that she thought she looked terrible that way. She threw on a pair of jeans and a dark blue crop hoodie. She was going to check herself out in her mirror but remembered that Matt steals mirrors in their house on the regular.

Tamara presented herself to Tord, who told her that her outfit sucked. "Oh come on, Tord," Tamara whined, "You thought I looked good yesterday!" "No I didn't." Tord insisted, avoiding eye contact. Tamara grabbed her flask and moonwalked to the door. "If I may quote, you were 'turned on' by me." Tord followed her and opened the door, arguing, "I didn't actually mean it, dumbass. When on earth would I ever find you attractive?" "I don't know, you just seem like the type of guy that would always have a boner, but his cock would be to small to notice." Tamara commented, her flask pointing towards Tord's crotch.

Tord clenched his fists. "I'm sorry, bitch, what?!" "You heard me!" Tamara barked. Tord leaned in closer to Tamara, becoming able to smell the alcohol from her breath. "Them's fightin' words, jackass." He jeered. Tamara puckered her lips and batted her eyelashes, cooing "Aw, did I huwt youw baby dick's feewings?" before bursting into laughter. Tord punched Tamara in the arm, and she retaliates by socking him in the gut, soon escalating into a 'savage' fist fight.

The two stopped fighting after about 5 minutes and took off on their salty adventure. They hiked out into a shopping district and decided to window shop.

"Ooh! Ooh! Tord, look!" Tamara squealed as she jumped up and down like a puppy, pointing at an instrumental repair ad. Tord shrugged. "So? I don't own any instruments." "But I do! I could go get Susan fixed, come on!" Tamara continued to squeal as she tugged on Tord's hoodie. "And I'm supposed to come along.. why?" Tord asks, which, unfortunately, just triggers Tamara to tug on his hoodie even harder and start begging him to come with her. Tord removes Tamara's grip from his hoodie and starts studying his surroundings. Soon something catches his eye. "Hey, How about I go over to that sex shop over there, and you can go to your stupid instrument repair thingy." He offers, pointing to the sex shop behind him. Tamara violently shakes Tord's hand, screaming, "DEAl!" before parting ways with him, hoping they don't have to see each other again.

As she walks through the mall, Tamara begins to think about how she really wants to talk to someone, but not anyone she knows. The only person that comes to mind is Tord.

She hears a voice behind her. "Hey, Tamara." A familiar voice says. It's Tord. "What are you doing here?" She asks back, confused by his sudden appearance.

Tord shrugs. "The store didn't have the stuff  I wanted. I'm going to be honest, your bass looked better broken." Tord stated. Tamara places her hands on her hips as she 'eyes' Tord's opaque plastic bag. "Yeah, but at least Susan's going to be used a lot more often than whatever's in there will be." Tord crossed his arms. "You win this round, Jehovah's Witness." Tord sassed as Tamara walks past him and towards the exit. "Nice. Let's go." She comments. She whispers to herself,

"Ok, maybe today is going to be worse than I thought."