Marvel Book Of One-Shots: Rainbow Edition

4 - Stucky: Angels & Soldiers

[Disclaimer: I sadly don't own any of the Marvel Characters or the fan art posted unless stated otherwise. Credit to all owners.]

{Based on the song: Angel by Theory of a Deadman....video above.}

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I was never one to believe in anything heavenly or godly, especially after all the bullshit I went through with HYDRA.
I hate myself enough without adding the pressure of thinking if I'd make the cut for Heaven or if I'd end up burning in Hell.
However, sometimes if the light was right, I could honestly be convinced that Steve was a fucking angel, sent from Heaven to torture me with images of something I could never have.

Sometimes, I could see this carefree look in his eyes and his nose would crinkle as he'd let a hearty laugh at a joke made by someone from the team.

He never laughed with me like that anymore. He didn't look at me with those soft ocean blues, instead he was always cautious. Even after 2 years of having me live in the tower with all the Avengers, he was still careful of how he talked to me, of what he said.
He never snuck up behind me when it was my turn to cook the way he did when it was Clint's turn.
He never came in to start a tickle war with me when it was my turn to do laundry the way he did when it was Sam's turn,
Hell even Loki was special enough to get his hair played with while he read, a luxury I hadn't had in more than 70 years.

Maybe I didn't have to think about it, maybe this was my sign. Heaven had already forbade me, I was in love with this Angel, this ethereal being, who had somehow made me believe in the good buried  somewhere deep inside my soul with just a simple touch of his skin. I have already been through hell and back, fuck, I'd dragged my beautiful sweet Steve with me too. I'd been lost and he was there to find me amidst the scorching fire and weight of my crimes and self-hatred. Physically we had been standing face to face, but mentally we'd been worlds apart with him desperately trying to get me to break through the brain washing and with me fighting with the orders HYDRA had planted in me and my love for him. We had been the same, too determined to let go. Then suddenly, we'd hit the ground and everything had come crashing down.

I'd stood there trying to convince myself that there could be an US, a WE but let's be real, all I'll ever be is a crazy and weak, love blinded fool. Steve deserved the world or at least a soldier to fight beside him bravely and that just wasn't me anymore. He deserved someone who would allow him to keep a free spirit and not weigh him down with their demons from the past. I'd tried to convince myself time after time to let him fly on his own, that it was time I let go. It's not like he knew my internal monolog anyways. He'd stay safe away from the grasp of my toxic love and desire for him.

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I'd always thought of him as my guardian angel, sent from Heaven to save my punk ass from all the reckless decisions I made. He had this confident aura that had always reassured me, that had always let me know that I was not alone.
But that James was gone, HYDRA had made sure to extinguish his light, but even still as I saw him isolate himself from us during dinner or movie night, I couldn't help but still see snippets of that beautiful angel he had once been.

After all the darkness in his life, I could see the fear in his eyes whenever a small bit of light in the form of kindness, inclusion, and love was thrown his way. My angel, although fallen, was still my angel even if his halo was a little broken and tattered. I could see sparks of life and a determined glint to  fight still left in his eyes whenever he tried to anonymously do something nice for one of us in the tower.