Sexiest Man Alive

5| Bleached Blonde B!tch

"Wait," Izaya thought aloud. "Something about today is weird," he looked around. Shizuo was nowhere to be found. Shizuo, the same idiot that clung to him every day of the week, wasn't anywhere to be seen. "Is he avoiding me?" Izaya pondered before shoving another bite of his lunch into his mouth. That couldn't be right. Why would he do that? There had to be some other reason for this absence. 

"My boyfriend hasn't talked to me in days," a female coworker sighed from across the room.

"Do you think he is tired of you?" another coworker asked. "That happens sometimes, you know?"

Izaya dropped his fork. Was Shizuo tired of him? Did he finally realize what a piece of shit Izaya was? Did he have his fill of sex? Did he no longer require Izaya since Izaya had been so easy to get? The asshole wasn't allowed to dump him. Izaya was the one that threw people out, not the other way around. Wait. Dump him? The two weren't even together. If anything, they were just fuck buddies. 

The model angrily shoved food into his mouth and left the lunch area. He was going to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing he did. He didn't care how long it would take to find Shizuo, he would find him. He would interrogate him. That was that.

"Hey," Izaya began. "About the next set of photos we're in..." Izaya wasn't even able to finish his sentence. 

"I'm sorry," Shizuo apologized and began walking. "I have something I need to do," he said and ran away. Something was definitely wrong with him. Over the next couple of days Izaya did everything within his power to strike up a conversation with Shizuo. He crossed paths with him in the most convenient ways he could think of. Each time he said something, Shizuo managed to get out of talking to him. Every. Damn. Time.

"Bastard," Izaya kicked the vending machine. He had no idea what he had done but he knew for sure Shizuo that was being suspicious for someone that had claimed to love him a few days prior. It was boring, to say the least. Izaya didn't want to admit he'd gotten attached to Shizuo. That would be a pain in the ass to explain.

"What's wrong with you?" Namie questioned. 

"I ran out of change and I really want a chocolate milk. What's wrong with you?" Izaya neglected to answer the real question. 

"I've got an abundance of change but I don't want to give it away," Namie conveniently pulled out a change purse filled with various coins vending machines loved to eat. She proceeded to buy a chocolate milk and drink it in front of Izaya. 

"I hate you," he glared.

"I hate you too," she winked, "so tell me what this is really about."

"The bleached blonde bitch is driving me home tonight so you don't have to worry about it," Izaya said. He hadn't confirmed it, but he was going to make it happen. 

"Heiwajima-san?" Namie snickered. "If you say so," she walked away. "But, if you ever want to talk about your real issues, I'm always here. I will not hesitate to use them for blackmail though," she winked and walked off. This manager was the absolute worst to work with. Izaya didn't know why he still had her around. He should fire her ass and get a new one. 

"Damnit," Izaya kicked the vending machine again. "I just want some chocolate milk, bitch."

"Do you not have change?" Shizuo reached into his pockets and pulled out just enough change for Izaya to get some chocolate milk. What the hell? Does everyone have change and he doesn't? Do the gods hate him or something? Why was Shizuo just now deciding to talk to him?

"Thanks," Izaya grabbed the change from Shizuo's hand and fed the cursed machine. Shizuo flinched when Izaya touched him. Did he hate him that much? That didn't make any sense. "Namie-Chan has something she has to do today. Take me back to my place, will you?" he demanded. It sounded like a question but it wasn't. Shizuo nodded. "Great," Izaya drank the chocolate milk in one shot then threw the can into the bin before walking away. 

Izaya stood with his legs crossed leaning up against Shizuo's car. It was cold and he wanted to leave. Shizuo was talking his sweet ol' time. When the bleached blonde bitch finally showed up, Izaya was frozen stiff. The two then proceeded to get into the car and leave. Izaya tried his best to strike up a conversation but Shizuo kept his answers short and sweet. Did the guy really hate him now? Maybe Shizuo was just tired of him like he thought. Something was weird. 

"Here we are," Shizuo parked the car to allow Izaya to leave. 

"You're not coming in?" Izaya asked. "After we came all this way too. At least let me make you some tea or something," he offered. The sex fiend had just driven him to Izaya's apartment and he had no interest in entering it? Izaya had to be in the twilight zone. What nonsense was this?

"No, I'm fine," Shizuo refused.

"I insist," Izaya got out of the car and waited. Shizuo sighed and followed him inside. The two didn't speak to each other as they took the elevator and entered Izaya's apartment. It was quiet. Too quiet. Shizuo was acting strange. He still wasn't making any moves. 

"Here," Izaya handed Shizuo the cup and then sat down next to him on the couch. The blonde flinched. "So, is this it then?" he asked. He wasn't good at putting things lightly. Might as well get it out in the open."Are you tired of me already?"  

Shizuo spit out his tea. "W-what?" 

"What?" Izaya frowned. "You've been avoiding me for days . Are you not interested in me anymore? I don't know what the hell is going on with you. Newsflash: I'm not a fucking mind reader."

"I'm not tired of you. I have a cold and I didn't want you to catch it," Shizuo explained. 

"Oh," Izaya breathed a sigh of relief. "Why didn't you just say so then?"

"I didn't want to bother you," Shizuo confessed as he placed the cup down on the coffee table. "You've got more work then I do since you've been in this business longer. I didn't want you to get sick and have issues," he paused. "Izaya, does this mean you like me?" he leaned close to Izaya's face. "Did you miss having me around?"

Izaya blushed. "Dumbass, of course I don't. What are you talking about? Get away from me! Didn't you say you were sick? What happened to you not wanting me to catch your cold?" he put a hand on Shizuo's face to push him away. 

"I won't get away until you call me by my name," he said. 

"What?"

"You're always calling me 'you' or 'dumbass' but you've never once said 'Shizuo' or even 'Heiwajima.'"

"I'm not saying your name," Izaya refused.

"What if I give you 1000 yen?" 

"Are you making fun of me?!" Izaya cringed. Get drunk one time and suddenly it's a meme. Fuck you too life. 

"Please?" Shizuo begged and only proceeded to get closer to Izaya. 

"Sh-"

"Sh?"

"Shwizu," Izaya messed up and hated himself for it. 

"My name is Shizuo, not Shwizu."

"Idiot, I know that. I'm just testing out nicknames," Izaya's face only got more red due to his mistake. "Shizu-Chan. There, happy?" Izaya refused to try saying Shizuo's name again. He didn't want to make a bigger fool of himself. 

"You always make me happy," Shizuo responded. Izaya pushed him away and distanced himself significantly. He had enough of Shizuo. The bleached blonde and his cold could go fall off a cliff for all he cared. Izaya puffed out his cheeks and went to go make his own cup of tea. Go die, asshole.