𝕋𝕙𝕖 ℙ𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕤𝕥 | 𝘛𝘢𝘦𝘑𝘰𝘰𝘯

45

I groaned, throwing myself down into the bedsheets and screaming into them before flailing my legs angrily. My breath was hot against my skin as my nose smushed into the bed, and I heaved heavily.

My entire body pulsated with heat the more I was consumed by my thoughts. I felt like I wasn't good enough. Namjoon needed a 'minute to think' and stepped outside, and something inside me in that moment just snapped.

I knew I had blown it. I had truly blown the audition. Granted it was a surprise audition, I still felt like a fool. Nothing could make up for that failure.

My body soon began to rack with sobs as I shielded my face with my hands, my tears pooling about my palms. The thoughts I had managed to ward off for months came back. Every little thing I felt uncertain about, and I felt raw and vulnerable. If I hadn't ruined our future now, then I don't know how else I could.

I cried so hard I ended up lying on the bed devoid of any emotion. While I lied there, blank, catching my breath, my mind was a cluster of hazy thoughts. My eyes stung and my lids felt heavy. Trying to see was a struggle since everything was blurry, yet that didn't matter since my eyes were squeezed shut anyway.

I heard the gentle creak of the door as it opened, followed by the click as it shut. I didn't bother to open my eyes since I knew it would be Namjoon. Instead, I rolled over on the bed, yanking a pillow over my head to hide my face.

There was a dip in the bed, which soon was followed by shuffling. I curled into a ball to seem unwelcoming, and I refused to address the man beside me. However, his arms draped around my body, and his chest slowly pressed against my back. I wanted to stay cold and ignore Namjoon, but I couldn't.

His hands pried my own away from my face and after, he gently turned me over to face him. The pillow which covered my face was lifted, and I drew my eyes open just enough to see my fiancé's soft smile beaming toward me.

I sighed and held my eyes open, solely to peer at Namjoon. His eyes held a warm affectionate gaze, and his smile tugged at my heart strings. Despite the disappointment I felt in my chest for myself, somehow Namjoon managed to heal it.

We were quiet as we lied together, our chests pressed against one another as Namjoon's arms were secure about my waist. I snuck my arms around his torso and rubbed my fingers soothingly about his back. Every indent, my fingertips learnt. It was relaxing in an odd way, and Namjoon seemed to like it too.

I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath before I tilted my cheek to rest it against Namjoon's chest. Just as I had, a soft hum emitted from his throat and I looked back up at him, curious.

He grinned down toward me warmly, placing a chaste kiss to my forehead in the few moments our gazes met for.

"Baby," he hummed softly, his hands caressing the small of my back lovingly, "You know I'm not mad at you, right?"

I nodded my head, averting my gaze from his and lowering myself into his chest. I nuzzled against the fabric of his shirt before bringing my face up and biting his collar. I pulled it down with my teeth and hastily kissed his chest before the cloth could recoil. Namjoon's chest tightened and his soft laughter filled the room.

"I know you weren't expecting the audition, and neither was I. We hadn't prepared a piece like Yoongi recommended we had. I blame myself for not being a better instructor. And I shame you for not having more faith in yourself."

Namjoon's words resonated in my mind. After he spoke there was a pin drop silence, and I found myself lost in thought.

I guess it wasn't really my fault, was it? I just wasn't ready. There's a difference in failure and giving up. With failure comes better work, and with giving up comes dread. As long as I strive to become better, that means another opportunity can come.

I watched Namjoon's chest as it rose and fell. Despite the situation being tense and uncomfortable, his breathing was steady and paced.

Bringing my head up from his chest, I peered into his warm, honey golden irises. I could've sworn to have seen his pupils dilate, yet how would I know seeing as to the fact I kissed him as quickly as our eyes met?

Our lips danced together. His plush, sweet lips were soft and tender. Each touch against mine was delicate as if touching porcelain. I held the kiss until I was out of breath, and as I pulled away, I brushed our noses together affectionately.

"Joonie," I breathed out, cheeks flushed from the kiss, "Let's work extra hard so that we're ready for the next audition." A smile tugged at my lips, and I pecked my fiancé's cheeks happily. "Let's be the best we can be! Deal?"

"Deal."

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{a/n: Hey you all! I've got a little inspiration to work with so here's an update! Thanks for being so patient! You all are the best💜}