I could listen for hours of her speaking. It's always beautiful, no matter who she talks to, she talks like they mean the entire world to her, even when she's upset she manages to be so passionate and beautiful.
Not at all meaning that being sad is beautiful I just want to take away those issues in her life so I can make her happier, not happy all the time that's impossible but she, she just deserves the world. She deserves the world you can see in her voice when she talks. She deserves the world you can see in her eyes.
For hours without end, I could listen to her talking about almost anything. I could listen to her fandom rambling, her 80s music taste, her obsession with cartoons, her almost anything.
Almost anything.
Almost, that's how close I was. Most of the way there but never succeeding.
I opened my laptop to her chat messenger on instinct. I gave a heavy sigh and closed it and opened several fanfiction sites. I typed in 'hanahaki'. I read through approximately 70 according to my history that is now filled with hanahaki stories. I type in all my OTP's and read almost all the hanahaki stories that are there. I move onto other ships until I've almost tired the extensive library of stories.
I click on one story. And oh my gosh, it's beautifully written. Not like it should be an actual novel but it's so much like the original that I began to tear up. Hanahaki is going to ruin my life. I begin reading and the character is helplessly pining, his crush is so oblivious that it hurts my soul. Reading that story made me forget everything around me, I was inserting myself as the main character and have the human I'm helplessly in love with the reason I'm dying of flower poisoning.
I get sucked into more fanfiction when I hear a-
DING!!
She sent me 4 pictures of her aunt's cats, she's so in love with cats. If I'm being honest they're probably in love with her too.
<3: Sorry I haven't been online
<3: I've been on holiday at venus bay! i told you about that right?
Me: yeah, several times lololol
<3: Oops sorry.
<3: So wat u doin
Me: contemplating whether hanahaki would be better than how im feeling now
Shit that was a bad idea to write that she'll know somethings up.
Me: what are YOU doing
<3: Youtube
Me: i didnt expect much else
We talked for hours and hours and oh my gosh it's the best feeling in the world. I don't want to bore anyone with the hours of random chats we had so I'll skip to the one thing that I can barely stand to talk about. The fact she's head over heels, crazy in love about this boy called "KK". don't know much about him but apparently he's important as fuck to her and that i need to help them get together.
<3: I had a dream me and my crush were dating
Me: saaamee, but my dreams were crushed lmao
More than you'll probably ever know. Why do I keep fucking up about this? I'm way too obvious about it.
Me: what happened in it?
<3: We sat next to each other, doing stuff on his phone, he typed my name in his phone
Me: thats literally it?
<3: I don't know why he typed my name in his phone all I know that he spelt it wrong
Me: and you were dating?
<3: Yup
Me: wow, youre just both antisocial asses lmao
<3: Antisocial asses? Ik I'm one but how is he one?
Me: Well the dream scenario
<3: XD XD
<3: He's a fucking social butterfly
Me: oh,, well i didnt know oops lolololol
God, she talks about him for hours on end, not unlike me when I'm writing this story. I would continue but talking about this makes me sad.
Maybe having hanahaki wouldn't be so bad.
I wouldn't have to the constant suffering of 'would she ever like me?' It would be simple, it'd hurt but it was simple. Yeah, I definitely want to have hanahaki, though it doesn't currently exist maybe I would be the first to have it. Maybe it would kill me, technically the problem would be solved. Keeping the secret of having hanahaki would be harder.
But as I'm leaning over the toilet coughing a pink frangipani up, it hurts almost as much as my emotions. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?
A/N:: I'm not at all proud of this crappy story but I needed to write about her. So shoutout to Caitlyn, you ass. Thanks now I want hanahaki, you're beautiful tho lolol <3
