My last message to you.

Dear X,

Hey

how are you?

are you well?

I'd be lying if i said that i didn't I still think about you sometimes

I still miss you but not the way like i used to

I used to miss the way you'd wrap your arms around me and tell me how much you adored me

but no, now I just miss my friend

I just want my friend back.

It's the stupid little things that remind me of you.

like when I've just watched a really good movie and think something along the lines of

"I wonder what X will think about that one scene, I can't wait to talk about this with X"

or when some update drops about that show we both like

"I bet x will be really excited when i tell him about this, i can't wait to see his reaction"

But then I get pulled back into reality and realize that i can't do that anymore.

For a split second a rush of excitement and happiness washes over me, i forget that we're strangers to each other now.

It's sad really.

because I think the cruelest thing you did to me wasn't breaking up with me

it was taking my friend away from me,

you were one of my closest friends at the time, and you shut me out.

no one to gush with about that show we like together

no one to lean on for support when I'm going through something only you would understand

no one to listen to me ramble about stupid theories on that movie we were both obsessed with.

God i wished you would just talk to me.

I've always wanted to say this to you. But i know i never will, I'm too scared

too scared that you'll think I'm too clingy

too needy

too hung up on the past.

Honestly i miss you so much,

i miss your stupid little quirks

i miss how you'd get all worked up and passionate when you talk about something you like

i miss sharing our inside jokes

i miss listening to your ridiculous ghost stories

i'm no in grief over our relationship

but the fact that i lost one of my closest friend feels like a ton of bricks hit me, ridiculously fucking heavy bricks

I am now mourning the loss of our friendship,
the loss of my best friend,

the person who gave me so much reassurance and confidence in myself,

the person i used to share everything to,
the person i used to go to for advice and support is now gone, is now a stranger to me.

i doubt that you even still think of me that way,

which is fine really.

I just wish it didn't end up the way it did. I wish we found a way to talk to each other like we used to before we started dating.

But i'm not dumb enough to believe that things can go back to the way it used to.

Now i just have to live with being that girl you used to date.

it's funny how we've gone full circle in a way, back to being strangers.

But despite that, you know my life story, and i know yours.
Even though i know you would never use my past against me, i don't know what to do with all this information of you now and I'm sure you don't either.

i'm fine with the breakup now, honestly i don't even care that you don't think of me that way either,

i just wish you didn't take my best friend away from me.