What do I do now???

Adopting

Above is a picture of Lilyana.

(Three Years Later)

I've had my heart set on adopting since I was like... twelve years old. I had been in a shuffle of foster homes from when I was four to five years old. Then I was eventually adopted when I was seven. I know that some orphanages abuse or neglect the children living there. I know that it may be difficult finding a home. I had even spoken to Kode about it before.

"We have enough mouths to feed with these four children." He would always yell.

I guess I caught him on a good day this morning.

"Kode, I have to see if they are treating the kids fairly at the orphanage." I told him.

"What are we gonna do Luc? Adopt the whole place?" He says in a tone of voice that says "I'm annoyed".

"Kode..." I start. But I'm interrupted by his sweet, masculine voice.

"Fine, Lucianna, go take a look. Take Niah with you. But be back in one hour." He states calm yet firmly.

"Gotcha." I reply. This is all I need. A look.

~~~

"Mommy, where awe we gwoing?" My Niah baby asks me. She has a speech development and has to go to physical therapy. She was born with medical problems and disabilities. Doctors say it is a miracle she has lived past two years old. This scares me. So I try to hug onto every moment we get with each other, hoping it is not going to be our last.

"To an orphanage sweetie." I say.

"Wat's thwat?" She asks, that curios cuteness sweeping over her face.

"A place where children who have no mommy's or daddy's go."

This is all I could do to explain the neglect and abuse some orphans have to live with.

"Ooowh." Is all my Niah baby said, as if she understands everything now.

We pull up to the orphanage. This place is muddy. And the children have such sorrowful faces and raggedy cloths and hair.

A lady at the front desk rings a loud bell. "Are you looking for a boy or girl?" She asks obviously irritated with her job.

"Girl." I respond. "Ages one through five, please." I add.

She rolls her eyes and starts shouting. "One through five! All girls ages one through five!"

I then see little kids ages one through five, specifically girls, line up against a wall. There are five children.

"Mikayla is five. Jiliann is four. Kayden is also four. Kelsea is three. And, Lilyana is two." She says, holding a clipboard and checking off names.

My heart shatters when it gets to the end of the line. With cute, curly blonde hair, matted and messy of course. With a shy look on her face and the most bright, dazzling, sparkly, full of hope, take - me - home - eyes ever! She wears what looks like a pillowcase with holes for the head and arms. She is covered in dirt. I have to take this child home. I just have to.

So I fill out her paperwork and the forms that say I'm her legal guardian. Then I pack up her things into my car (which isn't very much, just one small navy blue suitcase with a few tears and holes).

I decide to leave her at Nicole, my mom's house until I can convince Kode to take her in with us. I arrive home after dropping off Lilyana.

"We hwome!" Niah shouts as we head inside.

Kode walks over to me, pecks my lips and says, "Babe, I gotta go to the store, ok?"

"Sure." I reply.

As soon as he drives off, I have the children playing outside.

"Mommy!" Josiah screams.

"What baby?!" Panic starts to arise inside of me. I run outside to find Niah lying on the ground with her eyes closed. "Niah!" I scream. "It's okay baby, everything's gonna be alright." I cried as I scooped her up and called 911. "My baby. She... She feels cold. She was on the ground with her eyes closed. The only part of her that seems alive is her breathing. Yes, she does have medical problems.... Okay. Thank you. Bye."

An ambulance arrives five minutes later. My mom and Lilyana arrive at around the same time as the ambulance to watch the kids.

I call Kodes number. (919)400-9400. "Kode meet me at the E.R."

When we finally arrive at the hospital, Kode and I are placed in the waiting room.

"It's gonna be okay Niah . Hold on." God please save my baby, I pray.

~~~

It's been hours. A nurse walks out and calls, "Lucianna and Kode Anderson."

We rush up. We go into a room. There lay my Niah. The heart meter line is straight and isn't moving.

"Niah, please." I say barely above a whisper as my eyes flood with tears.

Kode looks at me. "It's okay Luc, it's okay."

Why god?! Why my baby?! Why?