Jealous...Much?

Chapter 1

Major shout out too my bestie, and if you have the time go check out her stories!   Star_UnicornHamilton

Sad; Adjective

Feeling or showing sorrow; unhappy

#loveyouxxx

~Phoenix's POV~

You know that feeling when you feel like you're on the edge of your breaking point, and you feel like no one understands, and to top it all off you just lost everything that you hold dear? Because that's basically all that I ever feel anymore.  I keep trying to convince myself that I'm important. Like I actually matter in this world, but it's getting harder to. I want to believe that I matter, but in reality the only reason why I'm  even alive is because of my dad. I know that he would have wanted me to be happy even though he passed away.  

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~Phoenix's POV~      (5 hours later)

"Come on! Why aren't you working ,stupid fracking shoe!" 

Ughhhhh. Is my life  always this complicated? Why does everything bad in this world always happen to me? I mean seriously! First my dad dies because of me and then my mm starts to treat me like I'm a worthless piece of poop. But then again, even I think that about myself. Now my freaking shoe won't even cooperate with me.  Alright, well I guess I better start to be on my way to school. 

"Bye mo-Ma'am,"

"whatever, just get out of here you slut."  my "mom" called out to me.

I was used to this type of treatment from her so I didn't mind as much as you might think, at least not anymore. I headed out of he door locking it on my way out. I put my earbuds in and started walking, when a car pulled up besides me. 

"Hey, Phoenix right?" 

I pulled out my earbuds and replied back saying, "Yeah, umm who are you, if you don't um mind me asking,"

He  simply chuckled and said, "My name is Jasper, kind of surprising that you didn't know that,"

"Right sorry, what do you want Mr.Jasper?"

"You can just call me Jasper if you want," 

"Okay Jasper" I said trying it out against my tongue , It felt kind of weird because I wasn't that used to saying just the person's name. 

"Would you like a ride in my car little lady?"

"Um, no thank you Jasper"

"I insist" he said with a hint of amusement in his eyes. 

"Okay" I replied back hoping that he wouldn't get angry with me.

I got in his car, it was a slingshot SlR. I absolutely loved it.

"Nice slingshot,"

He looked surprised that I even knew what it was. "Thanks"

"No problem, after all I had always wanted one of these," not realizing that I had ssid that aloud he turned to face me and said,

"Would you like to take it for a spin?"

"Oh no I couldn't" 

"You sure?"

"well, ummm"

"Alright it's settled you take the wheel,"

We switched places and I took the wheel, I felt the leather and took my time, admiring it. I placed my foot on the pedal and lightly tapped it a few times and I started to take off. I have never felt so alive in my entire life I felt so free, the wind breezing through my hair and the leather wheel in my hands, man I wish that I could do that every day. before my eyes we were already at the school. I looked at jasper and said, 

"that was freaking awesome!"

"Yeah you are a pretty good driver, you know?"

"thanks" I worked up some courage to try and ask him if he would let me do this again but instead he surprised me by saying,

"we should do this again sometime, you were defiantly in your element today Nix"

And with that simple nickname it brought my memories flooding back to me. 

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FLASHBACK

"Nix  dear could you get the door for me please?" 

"Sure, anything for you dad,"

 my five year old self said to my dad three days before he came crashing down the steps with his eyes filled with blood and a bloody nose. He was the best father in the world and he meant everything to me. I loved him with all my heart and then he was taken from me. In a heartbeat my father, the only person I truly looked up to was dead. He had the kindest heart and never got mad at me, I know that if it was my mother that had died he wouldn't go sleeping around or blame me for everything that was wrong in the world. But, no matter how hard I tried to be this perfect child for my mother she never stopped all the hatred that she poured on me.  And ever since his death I became secluded  from everyone. My other parent, no longer had the love she had before so she just saw me as a burden that my father didn't take with him. I was just left there to remind her of my dad.   I was a product of disaster so I wouldn't  be anything but a disaster. She had once said,

"You'll always be worthless, just remember that without me you are nothing, I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

That was right after my father died and I was only five years old, I was already a heartbroken little girl at the time, but she just had to kick me when I was down. After that her and I never had the same type of relationship again. I was just the girl in black living under her roof, a worthless piece of the past. 

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(Plzzz listen to the song posted with the story bcuz it goes with this chapter perfectly.)Sooooooo this filled in some of Phoenix's path and it kinda made me sad to write this because it's partially from my experience. if you ever have the need to talk to me just dm me Ill always be open to anything that you need or want to discuss. Anywayyyyyyy just know that I love you all and I always will. You never have to be alone. I might not always answer you guys right away or update as much as I want too, but I'll try my best. And please tell me if their is any grammar mistakes or ways that I can improve this story, bye bye for now.

Love always,

Scarlett