I took Maine out of her apartment and went to a nearby carnival just five blocks away. I want her to enjoy her life and stop punishing herself. I went through a lot conveying my message to Anna to the point that I had to make her pass out, I didn't want to do it but she had to know because she didn't know a thing. But everything I saw was so vivid, I understand now.
"Hey! What are you doing? It's night already! Let's go!"
"No, WE are gonna enjoy the night plus it doesn't really feel like it's night, this carnival is sparkling! Let's try the rollercoaster"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Believe me, Maine isn't really a fan of fast down-motion, or heights? She likes rooftops, oh wait.
"Let's try horror house next!"
"I swear to God! If you drag me there, I will punch you in the face! Ugh, got to breathe"
"Ohhh, for some reason, I felt really good hearing that, can you try cursing next?" Her back bent and trying to catch some air, this is a new side of her I wanted to see.
"Shut up"
"Well, what do you want to ride?"
"I want to go home"
"Do you need a drink?"
"Yes"
"Okay, wait here"
I ran as fast as I could to a near vending machine and grabbed two iced coffee but when I ran back she wasn't there. Where did she go?
"Maine?!" Oh my god, where is she? I searched around and ran around but I couldn't find her, I tried contacting her but then I remembered she didn't give me her number, sucks!
"Where are you, Maine?" Just when I'm about to leave the carnival and head to her apartment, there she is. Staring at a carousel, well now I can relax. I walked towards her but I stopped, I noticed something in her face, a smile. Not her usual forced and sarcastic smile, a real sincere smile, the light at the carousel reflecting in her eyes, did I do it? Is she happy? Am I going to leave soon?
"Hey" She noticed me and called out to me with the same smile that I've been staring at.
"Hey, got you an ice coffee"
"Thanks" I opened it for her and she drink it
"My favorite ride is the carousel" She said so suddenly
"Why? Did your parents let you ride one when you were a kid?"
"No"
"Oh, theeen?
"Al, we go to carnivals twice every year to ride the carousel, one on my birthday, and one on her birthday. We were both afraid of heights, but we love the feeling of being in a carnival, you get surrounded by laughs, smile, happiness, and even screams. We just get caught up in the joy and next thing we know, we're both happy. Oh, uh, Al is the girl you saw in the picture frame. She's my childhood friend and uh, yes, she's gone gone, suicide. I uh"
"Stop, don't have to explain everything"
"I know I just, want you to know that I decided to stop punishing myself. It sucks and it kills me every day. I just hope Al understands"
"She does"
"How do you know?" I took a deep breath thinking how I should say this.
"Well, she told me in... some way? I don't really know"
"What? That's crazy" Then she laughs a little bit, like a scoff, but not really
I couldn't say anything, I just stared at her, I don't even know what Anna's face looks like now, but I know that she feels so proud and happy. I do too.
"What? Why are you staring at me?"
"Nothing, just like you said, you just get caught up in the joy, I'm happy too. Thank you for sharing, does this mean we're friends now?" She just broke out into a laugh which got me really embarrassed. That is not the kind of thing you say in this situation Anna!
"Yeah, sure" She held out a hand for a handshake but to hell with it.
I hugged her tightly. I don't want to let go.
"Let me take you home"
We went back to her apartment and then I suddenly changed my mind.
"I think I'm gonna sleep here"
"What? No, go home"
"Mean, I thought we were friends"
"Even so"
"Oops, sorry, I'm lying down on the couch already"
"Fine" Yay!
I laid down and closed my eyes. I heard the lights go off and Maine going off to bed.
I accomplished something and I am so happy about it. But it is so hard to let go, I know that she will wake up in the morning and try to enjoy herself bit by bit every day and I think that Anna will be by her side but what about me? I gathered up all of my strength to control Anna, I stood up, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and wrote "Thank you". I left it at the small table near the couch and laid down again to close my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I see Anna sleeping on the couch and Maine in her bed. I wish I could cry right now but I can't. Instead I smiled, I am happy for I did a job well done.
I flew up as high as I could to enjoy the sight of the lights on each houses going out. It's turning dark, and another morning will come. I closed my eyes, and hoped for something new tomorrow.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Any emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes, any more is self-inflicted. It doesn't really mean that if a special someone died, you should only grieve for 12 minutes, but it means that we actually hurt ourselves more than supposed to. We blame ourselves more than supposed to. We torture ourselves more than supposed to, why? Because hurting others is not an option for us unlike others. Forgive but don't forget, learn from it and then accept it. Acceptance that you are not perfect, acceptance that you made a mistake, acceptance that you apologized sincerely, acceptance that it is enough. No one should go through pain alone but if you insist, someone out there will also insist on breaking the walls you built around yourself and give you a sincere hug, because from the start, that was all you needed.
It is never easy to let go, but it must happen at some point in life.
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Z: Being a FRIEND
Ficción General"I don't know what I am, I don't know how I existed, I don't know why I've been flying around the skies for as long as I can remember. I barely know anything. Then something changed, something that made me get into the lives of people, and but I hav...
