Poison.

4

Its been a week. I've seen Jesse a couple of times since then, mainly just around the streets when I'm walking around. Last night, he invited me to a party that's happening tonight. His "friends" and him have booked out some local night club. I say "friends" because I'm not completely sure about this whole gang thing yet. So what else has happened since last week? Well, things have gone to shit. I have to be blunt about things. I haven't managed to get a job at all, I've applied everywhere and no luck. The cafe called me this morning to politely reject me. Due to having no work I've been spending a lot of time alone. I have tried to socialize here but no such luck there either.

Something that always happens when I spend a lot of time by myself is my demons come out to play. Its like everything switches. The old part of me is holding on and trying to fight through but its too dark in my head and the last bit of light has run out. The past week I've felt so down and depressed and I cant help it. Its like I'm falling down a hole in my own head , the hole is deep and dark and no matter how much i fight i know i will fall down and I know there's no way out of the darkness. So I've planned to fix it all tonight. Tonight is going to be my final night, I'm planning on dressing up and going to get drunk before ending it all. I know, stupid right? That what I keep trying to tell myself too but I always end up in the position.

I decide to wear a tight black dress that hugs all my curves perfectly and match it with heeled boots and dark make up. My hair is down and just simply brushed through. Once I feel ready I head out my door and towards the night club. Once I'm there I go straight in and straight for the drinks. I order myself some shots and knock them back to my self , maybe it will make this whole thing less painful. I dance with some stranger who then buys me more drinks.

Before I know it, I'm out of it. But the pain is still there. I feel it inside of me. The task I've prepared myself for all day comes to mind. Stumbling out the night club doors and heading towards the cliffs, a simple few minutes walk. The whole way there I feel as though someones behind me but I know it wont matter in a few minutes when its all over. I stand at the edge of the cliff, the wind blowing against my face as I stare down at my toes that are slightly over the edge above the crashing waves. I take a breath. Letting out the breath and praying to anyone- begging - that this pain will rid my chest. That this demons will leave me and I can be better. But nothing. Tears fall down my face as I realize how pathetic I am and how its lead to this. I'm nothing. 3,2-

"You don't need to do that" A voice calls from behind me. I stop in my tracks. "And what would you know" I mutter out, keeping my eyes focused on the drop below me. "I know that right now you're at rock bottom, I know that after tonight things can't get any worse than what they are. I know that because of that, things will get better for you." The voice rambled on as i stood sniffling as the tears refused to stop. "You don't know anything about me." The pain in my chest and the sickening feeling in my stomach feels worse as though my body is ready for me to end it. " Maybe I don't know you. But I want to. You are so precious and I want to protect you. Please just let me protect you." The voice of confidence swapped in to a vice filled with desperation. I turned my self around , noticing the stranger was Jesse. He grabbed me, pulling me in to his arms. "You're gonna be okay" He whispered repeatedly, kissing my forehead for reassurance. But my body got the better of me and I felt myself slipping away.