You Had Me At Hello || z.m.

Im Lost Without You

Zayn is standing motionless in front of me, nervously biting his lip, and rubbing his forehead.

After few seconds of silence, he abruptly speaks.

"That night, you left me in the middle of the pub, 'cause you were so touched by the appearance of Alex that you didn't pay any attention to me! You've always been honest about the fact that Alex used to mean a lot to you, and that you suffered a lot when he left you... and in that moment, I felt like... I thought that if he really has this effect on you...like, there's no way I can compare to him! I can never be so important to you... I can never make you love me like you loved him! And I felt like shit... really shit. That's why I didn't show up for days."

Zayn's voice is full of rage, but his eyes disclose a deep wound inside.

"Zayn..." I swallow hard as I get up and place right in front of him, gently grabbing his hands. "You don't have a clue of what you mean to me. You don't see how I look at you, you don't realize how your presence makes me feel. I don't know what to say to make you believe this..." I lower my head trying to stop the tears from rolling down my cheek.

"I may have been shocked and upset, when I saw Alex. But that was because I didn't expect to meet him ever again, because seeing his face brought back so many terrible memories... but Zayn, that doesn't have anything to do with you. You are...you have literally become everything to me. Zayn I can't even think about being without you, I would be... " I sigh, giving up on my attempt not to cry.

"There's nothing I would choose over you, Zayn, I swear to god, you don't even understand how my mind is fucked up and crazy about you. I'm constantly scared that you might leave me, that you might realize that I'm not enough for you, that you might change your mind and go away... I would never do anything to lose you, I would never. I depend on you Zayn... You're the only one who ever connected to me so deeply, you're something beyond words..."

Zayn's face, while he listens to my words, lights up, a big sweet grin slowly appearing on his lips. But suddenly he turns serious again, turning his gaze to the floor.

"I've called Perrie tonight." He blurts, as soon as I stop talking.

I gasp. My heart stars racing fast.

"W-what do you mean? Why did you call her?"

"To ask her to meet me at the pub where I was with Harry."

My heart is about to explode, I try my best not to let it break in thousand pieces in front of Zayn.

"And did she come?"

He shakes his head, still staring at the ground.

"Because she couldn't?" I ask, letting his hands go and stepping back.

Zayn nods.

"And what if she came? What would you have done?"

He doesn't answer.

I can't take this anymore. I start sobbing and fall on the couch, feeling like a light body without any soul, empty, depleted, with no reason to be.

Zayn reaches me and begs me to stop crying. He goes down on his knees and grabs my face with his big strong hands.

"Irene, don't cry please... I would have never cheated on you, I swear, I promise, I..." he hesitates, searching for the words and catches his breath. "I'm not always a good guy, Irene. I've already told you and...I thought I could never change. But I want to be better, when I'm with you. I've never thought about Perrie or any other girl since I'm with you, I've never wanted to betray you... just thinking about hurting you makes me sick. But at the same time, you gotta help me. 'Cause I'm weak, insecure, and I need you. You're the only one who can keep me sane, can keep on the right way, you know? You make me feel good, you are the reason to my heart'-ease! I really need you by my side to be fine, but I also really need to feel that you love me, that you want me and that you haven't changed your mind about me, because just the thought that I'm not the only one for me makes me go crazy...and makes me behave like a stupid dick, I know..."

He stops and gently places his forehead on my shoulder, letting out a sigh. A tears falls and wets my leg.

"Please forgive me, I really need you. I love you, love you so much and I feel so lost..." Zayn mutters, sobbing.

I wrap my arms around his neck and sink my face in his shoulder, tightening my hug and pulling him on the sofa with me. We stay there, silent, in each other arms for a while, both crying, both scared by the power that this love has on us.

"I love you too Zayn." I mutter in his ear, sniffling and kissing his beardy cheek.

We stare into each other watery eyes.

I feel his heart beating, I feel his breath normalizing and everything is peaceful around us, just like after a storm. We kiss and squeeze each other in our hugs, till we fall asleep on the couch, Zayn's head pressed against my chest, and my arms around his strong back.