Two Hearts (YoonSeok/ Sobi)

I suck but heres my emotions for you to read

When falling in love, I didn't expect it to ruin my life while making it better.

When talking to you for the first time, I didn't expect you to reply. I expected you to wave me off. After all, you seemed too cool to be my friend.

In our first few hours of talking, I didn't think I'd be so concerned when you went to the hospital after staying with a friend.

I didn't expect you to talk to me when my house was a war zone and I was a mess. What I remember most about the conversation from that night was the sunrise. I stayed up till the sun started to rise and when I told you, you replied with "I love the sunrise". I took pictures of it to send to you.

I remember out first skype call. We were awkward, and you had a stupid little green star sparkle in your hair. Sometimes I wonder if its still in your room. After all, glitter is the herpes of art supplies. You weren't going to get rid of it easily.

I remember when we first got together. I called you my boyfriend, but we weren't together at the time. You asked if I thought of you as boyfriend and led up with that by asking me out. That was the first time of me falling asleep on skype. I still have the message you sent me, it was one of the nicest things to wake up to.

I remember us saying I love you for the first time. The words felt so foreign to me. I never loved anyone before. Honestly speaking at the time, I didn't know if I was feeling love in that moment, I just felt right.

I can replay the pitiful arguments in my head like a song. They were typically my doing and you never argued back. I'm not sure why, if I were you I would have screamed at me. I'm sorry for treating you so poorly.

The future was always ahead of us, so we always planned for it. Big family, big home, and animals. Sure, we never agreed to fullest extent about animals. I always wanted tons of them and to treat them like babies and have them sleep in bed with us, but you'd never agree to that. I always threatened to make you sleep on the couch if they weren't allowed to join us.

You've always been there for me. Every meltdown, every argument that took place here, every time I was sick or upset or just tired, you were there. I hope you thought I always there for you too, I always tried to be, but I could have done better.

I remember the break up, it was my fault. It was because of a mix of things, all of which were coming from me. In a way, I felt like I was holding you back and that I was burdening you. Why would you want to hold someone you love back? Another reason was because I felt like I annoyed you. Usually when peoples reply become one word or short it means they don't want to talk to me and that's what I took it as. I won't completely place the blame on myself, we were both in the wrong but, ill always be the one to say, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' rather then 'This is your fault' and 'I hate you'.

In my mind, I see us on standby, but I think you see us an end. I still love you, but you don't feel the same. The number of tears my pillow has collected because of you is enough to fill a milk jug.

Everyone tells me to ignore you. After all, who wants their friend to keep talking to someone who hurt your feelings? Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I never grew a pair and messaged you. Would I be off happy, or worse then I'm feeling now? And what my life would be like now if I stopped talking to you, and about you, and letting my brain remind me of old conversations. I think my world without you in it would be a desolate place. My sun wouldn't shine as bright, my grass wouldn't be as green, and the waters wouldn't be as clear.

It was supposed to be us, you know? We were supposed to kick ass together and be weird and cute with the tint of awkwardness because that's the way we communicated. Awkward at times, goofy and cute at the other.

I guess in a way I never wanted it to end. I didn't want to feel unloved and lost, I wanted support and love. Its unfair. But yet again, when has the world ever been fair to Emily Harger.