Dairy Of Ellen

A Girl Who Was Loved (3)

Early morning of another day.
"Going out already?"
Father spoke to me as I squatted in the front garden, tying my shoes.
I turned around and saw father was about to leave, too.
"Yeah."
I stood up and straightened my skirt.
"Hey, you've got a string loose."
Father reached for my waist, but I moved away as if escaping.
"It's fine, I can get it myself."
He silently shrugged his shoulders. I retied the ribbon around my waist and ran off.
"Be careful!", he shouted from behind.
He didn't have to be that loud.
I curled my fists tight. I was too embarra.s.sed to reply.

I ran into the forest.
In the shadow of the trees, I was liberated from the midsummer sunlight.
I caught my breath and wiped the sweat from my brow.
I had gotten very accustomed to going to Ellen's house.
I felt like I was visiting a boy's house in secret. Except she was a girl, a fair bit younger than me.
It was like a secret house. Standing there all alone, unknown to anyone. No one but me knew this place. No one knew her.
Only I had the ticket to the world of dreams. It excited me.

Ellen was a strange girl.
I was never that good at talking to people. I preferred to let someone else talk and listen attentively.
And yet when I was with her, I found the words came out smoothly.
I was just talking about trivial matters like what I had to eat today, or what happened in the village, but it all seemed fresh to her. She seemed to greatly enjoy listening to me.
Depending on her condition, she could be talkative or silent. The way her cat-like eyes spun from place to place as she spoke was very cute.
She knew all sorts of things.
Flowers effective for treating burns, plants effective for hurting throats.
When I told her she was really useful, she just laughed, "all I do is read."
Sometimes she was able to perfectly guess the weather, to my surprise.

"I'm exhausted... I'm going to nap."
It was a day where the warm sunlight invited drowsiness.
Ellen talked with me for a bit, then said this. I nodded and helped her pull up the sheets. She thanked me, and sank into the bed.
A while later, she breathed quietly, fallen deep into sleep.
I leaned back in my chair, hearing it squeak. I closed my eyes as well.

Far away, I heard birds chirp.
This was a house in the forest. The air from the window was comforting. There was no chatter of people, no bustling noise.
Surely, living in a place like this would cure your sickness.
So I thought. But I opened my eyes and looked at her.
Was Ellen getting any better?
I thought about asking her, but I didn't want to ask about her sickness.
Because I couldn't do anything about it just by asking. Because she no doubt wanted to talk about other things.

I ended up falling asleep, too. I woke up with the cool air brushing my cheek.
I noticed there was a blanket over my knees. I was surprised to see Ellen's face very close to me. She had her hand on my lap.
"Oh, did I wake you?"
She looked me in the eye and shyly laughed.
"I thought you might be cold... Ehehe."
Ellen was out of bed, and leaned against me with one knee up.

A leg protruded from her skirt. Its thinness.. it was like it didn't have any meat on it.
Her bandages had come a little loose while getting out of bed, and I could see dark red skin.
Maybe it was just my eyes, but it seemed like bone was sticking out in places.
There were fresh red stains from her movement left around the floor.
It was the first time I'd actually seen her legs.

"Ellen! Your legs..."
"I'm fine. I can handle this much."
She smiled, but the smile seemed forced, and her handed gripped me tightly.
It reminded me how she'd said it hurt to move.
She couldn't walk in this condition. She wasn't fine. The sweat on her brow proved it.
And yet she got out of bed to put a blanket on me? Just for me? So I wouldn't be cold?
It was so heartbreaking, I had the urge to hug her. But at the same time, I was troubled by the sight of her terrifying sickness.
"I can handle the cold fine. You really shouldn't push yourself, Ellen."
"...Okay."

Ultimately, all I could do was help Ellen get back in bed.
I couldn't look right at her red legs. They smelled like antiseptic mixed with blood, which made me nauseous.
I put Ellen in bed and pulled the covers over her.
She lied down and smiled in place of a verbal thanks. I feebly smiled back. There were still red spots on the sheets in the corner of my vision.

My sights wandered, and I looked to the window.
The sunlight came directly sideways into the room. It seemed much time had passed while I slept. The cool air made me shiver
"You should get back before it's dark," Ellen said.
"Yeah," I nodded.
After a brief pause, I stood up from the chair.
I walked to the door, and before leaving, I turned to Ellen.
"See you," I said, waving.
There was too much glare from the light coming behind her to see her expression.
I was disturbed, perceiving it as if she had no face. Why did such a thing even come to mind?
After waving to her, I left the room.

I walked down the hallway as usual, and went down the stairs. The creaking of the floor echoed far.
I walked with a hand to my forehead.
The image of Ellen's red legs wouldn't leave the back of my mind.
She was sick. I had completely forgotten, only looking at her face which acted healthy.
As I went through the kitchen with no sign of anyone, anxiety filled me.
Why did the person caring for her never show themselves to me? Yet they provided tea for me, and they let me come in.
Did they not want to touch her? Did they not even want to meet someone who had touched her?

I took the hand off my forehead as if taken aback, and looked at my palm. After staring at it a while, I shook my head to drive away my foolish thoughts.
It wasn't contagious. Ellen told me so.
There was surely someone beside her, tending to her. They touched her, and wrapped her bandages, and gave her medicine.
She should be fine.
Perhaps I was affected by that smell earlier. I didn't like myself for thinking about these things.

Creeeak.
Suddenly, I heard a door creaking, and I turned to face it. The black cat poked his face out from the wooden door.
"Oh, it's just you, kitty...", I said out loud.
I acted like I hadn't been surprised. The black cat looked at me. He usually greeted me with a low meow, but today he said nothing.
He stared me down, the black cat. His gold eyes seemed to match Ellen's, startling me.
Wanting to get out of there right away, I ran for the front door.
I went outside as if my whole body were leaping out.

It was dark out, and the roses looked darker in the low light.
Walking through the rose garden, I looked back at the house.
It was nothing. It was just Ellen's house, which I'd grown so used to.
So then why did the gray walls seem so oppressive, as if they were going to crush me? Maybe it was just the shadow of the windows.
The wind rustled, fanning up my heart. I shook the building anxiety in my head away and ran. To home, quickly.
With all my might, I ran through the garden and down the forest path.

Finally, I arrived home, and father was already there. "You're late," he quietly said. When he saw my face, his eyes sharpened.
"What's wrong, Viola?"
I looked up at father, catching my breath.
I must have looked like I was about to cry.

When the magic of the witch's house fades,
I'll meet you in my true form.

You're so kind.
I'm sure you'll sympathize, won't you?