Dairy Of Ellen

A Girl Who Was Loved (4)

The next day.
I wasn't able to go to Ellen's house.
I sat on my bed, holding my knees.
What was I afraid of? The house deep in the woods? How it felt like someone was lurking there? The roses in the garden that bloomed only for her? Her disgusting, swollen legs?
The sky was cloudy, reflecting my heart. As if finally giving me an excuse not to go to the forest, rain began to fall.
I watched the rain for a while, then finally, as if now relieved, roughly closed the curtains.
I lied in bed and closed my eyes.

I didn't know if it was a dream or my imagination.
The image of bedridden Ellen came into my head.
It was Ellen after I'd given up on going to her house.
All alone in her room, Ellen waited for me to come.
I hadn't yesterday since it was rainy. But it was clear today, so I'd probably come, she thought.
So she waited. But day after day passed, and I didn't come.
Ellen worried that maybe something had happened to me.
But after waiting days, a week, a month. I still did not come.
Soon, Ellen realized I'd abandoned her.
I see, Ellen smiled, defeated. And she quietly sobbed to herself.

I woke up with a start.
I trembled. It wasn't from fear. It was from shock, realizing the fact of how I was hurting her.
I got out of bed.
I flew out of my room, out of the house.
The rain wasn't much, but it hadn't stopped. Still, I ran along the wet ground.
"Viola?!"
Father, who was adjusting a hunting rifle inside the house, called after me in surprise. But I didn't turn around.
I ran, soaked by the rain. As I ran, I recalled what Ellen said when we first met.

You're not scared?, she asked.
She said that because she had seen people who feared her appearance.
Until now, she had been feared. All people kept their distance. Every time it happened, she despaired.
I told her I wasn't scared. Perhaps I was the only one who lent her a hand.
...I was a fool.
To think I would fear Ellen's sickness even now.
I bit my lip, filled with embarrassment and the desire to apologize to Ellen.

I don't remember how I got to her house that day.
While running, I suddenly found myself in the garden of red and blue flowers. By the time I reached the rose garden, the rain had stopped.
The soaked petals took in the after-rain sunlight, glistening.
It was so beautiful, the depression I'd felt in this garden yesterday seemed like a lie.
When I opened the front door, the warm air kept inside leaked out. I took in the scent, and my tension seemed to evaporate.
I climbed the stairs and opened the door to her room.

Ellen looked up in surprise.
"Viola?"
When I saw her face, the fog in my heart was cleared at once. My sunken mood returned to normal, and I sat in the chair beside her.
Ellen looked at my wet clothes with worry.
"Why? Even though it was raining..."
"Well... um..."
I wasn't sure how to express what I was feeling. I felt it was different from apology or embarrassment.
I couldn't enunciate it well, but thinking it was how I really felt, I said:
"Because I missed you, Ellen."
Ellen's eyes rounded in surprise. But soon, she smiled like a blooming flower.

Ahh. Look at that smile.
Because I'm her friend.
Because I'm the only one she has.
That was when I vowed:
No matter what happens, I'll be with her.

The black cat sat by the window as usual, gazing outside the house.
Outside was a spider web, in which a b.u.t.terfly was caught.
A beautiful b.u.t.terfly with golden wings.