I am broken.
I am lost.
I am lonely.
I am a horrible person.
I can't write this...
It's hard to write when you can't think.
When you're depressed.
When you're exhausted.
When your anxiety is suffocating you.
When you're sleep deprived.
I'll try to finish this though.
I'm going to be talking about two unnamed people. Probably only one person will know who I'm talking about.
First, I start with this.
Broken, a sequel to Friends? That doesn't make any sense. Actually, it does, you just have continue reading.
This first person I am going to talk about is one of my best friends...actually, she is a sister to me.
The little details of the story are not really important.
I'll try to focus on the main points and details.
My friend and I have gone through two extremely similar situations. It's unbelievable how similar they are, absolutely unbelievable.
I changed my mind. I am going to tell my story first, then I'll use my story to explain. (A very very generalized version of my story)
So, I was bullied most of grade school. Fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. Things didn't get too bad until seventh grade. I grew to hate myself. I hated pretty much everything about me. My height, my size (I was pretty small), my personality, my voice, my interests, my hobbies, and my grades (good, all As and maybe one or two Bs here and there).
They made me feel horrible, it's because they were jealous of me. I'm not 100% positive why they bullied me, but for now, let's go with that. They said some pretty messed up things to me. Some of them even told me to go kill myself. Obviously I didn't listen because I'm alive to write this, but I did want to die at one point. I used to cut a lot. The blood made me feel human again. I tried to numb the pain I felt everyday, sometimes I used blood to remind myself that I can still feel pain. It was almost reassuring.
I lost most of my friends after I graduated... all of them.
Now, things are different. I have friends that are so close to me, they are sisters to me.
I have two friends who both went through something similar to what I am going through. They're both here and they help me through it.
One of them went through almost EXACTLY what I am going through. She tells me how similar my situation is to hers.
I feel bad for bringing my friends into my life problems. I don't want them to be burdened with my stupidity.
I'm just scared. I'm scared that I'm going to lose all of my friends because I'm so negative. I don't deserve them anyway...
