TW: SELF HARM ETC
Relapse.
A word with a strong meaning.
A word with many different meanings.
A word with many different examples.
Something I can't let myself do.
I can't hurt the people around me like that again.
It's hard not to slip right now.
But I won't.
I won't break that promise
They tell me not to cut.
Cutting is bad.
Cutting physically hurts one person and metaphorically hurts everyone who cares about that one person.
I try not to give in.
Try.
Words of past experiences still physically and emotionally affect me.
But I fight.
I have to.
In a world like this, there's no other option.
There are millions of things running through my head.
The news I got last night.
Something that was brought up last night.
The amount of homework I have.
The emptiness I feel in my stomach makes me sick
I can't lie anymore
I can't hide anymore
I can't just label my feelings as "I'm fine"
I'm not fine.
I just don't want people to get hurt.
But they tell me I can talk to them.
No matter what.
That they will always be willing to help me.
They tell me it'll be okay. I'll get better. Things will change. People care about me. People love me.
I can't give in to the urges of self harm because they would be so disappointed and I would feel horrible.
I have to fight.
Even if I don't want to.
I have to keep going.
As hard as it is.
I will fight.
