I hate complications kahit noon pa. I hate making things difficult for me. I hate those crazy details that make things more complicated. Ayoko kasi ng masyadong nag-iisip, it felt like making my brain cells do 1,000 push-ups inside my head. Ang sakit sa ulo. Kaya siguro I never thought na there is something more. I make myself think as simple as possible. Though I saw it, I tried to ignore everything.
Ayoko kasing mag -isip.
Ayokong sumakit ang ulo ko.
I remember you bringing all those weird books that you have just because I told you so. Kahit sobrang bigat na dinadala mo pa rin kasi sinabi ko. You don't care kahit na pagalitan ka ng teacher natin kasi laging mong iniiwan yung libro natin sa school at lagi ka lang nakiki-share sakin. I remember you telling me na you're doing those things for me kaya I better be nice to you nung one time na di kita pina-share sa book ko. That moment I felt it pero di ko pinasin.
Di ko pinansin kasi I want to think simple.
The time na lagi mong dinadala yung mga new gadgets mo, yung mga one of a kind pens mo, yung mga mamahalin mong lab tools. Yung mga time na sobrang pa-famous ka. I saw how much you treasure those things. You show them to everyone and yet pahirapan naman ang pag-hiram sayo. You don't lend it to any of our classmates except me. Medyo nakahalata ako ng konti nun pero sinantabi ko. I made myself think na maybe you just trust me that much kaya ako lang ang pinapahiram mo. It was too obvious then but I chose not to look.
I gave an excuse na mas madaling maintindihan ng isang katulad ko.
Me and my silly thoughts.
That cheap basketball that I gave you nung christmas party. You used to tell me na yun ang pinaka-paborito mo sa lahat ng bola na meron ka. Well, never akong naniwala sayo nun. As if you can't afford a more expensive one. Sabi mo pa nga nun sakin na you think you can keep it hanggang sa tumanda ka. Para namang kaya nung tumagal ng fifty years eh sengkwenta lang ata ang bili dun ni mama. Hanggang ngayon natatawa pa rin ako pag naaalala ko on how you give me regular updates about that ball kahit di ko hinihingi. Di ko malilimutan yung story mo nun kung pano mo inaway yung kapitbahay nyo nung one time na muntik na nyang agawin yung bolang regalo ko sayo. You were so furious then, your pinkish face turned into red while telling me your story. Sobrang nakakatawa ka. That time naisip ko na OA ka lang talaga or maybe you're just selfish. Well, tao ka rin lang naman may bad traits and bad attitude. Yun yung inisip ko kung bakit ganun na lang ang reaction mo pag may nanghihiram sayo. You just hate sharing things that was my conclusion.
As I look back now, all those simple thoughts that I made to believe before seems to be so different now. As I reminisce those moments, para bang gusto kong dagukan yung sarili ko. Parang gusto kong sisihin yung sarili ko. Bakit ba kasi di ako nag-isip? So what kung sumakit yung ulo ko? atleast sana kahit papano napakinabangan ko yung braincells ko. Why did I let myself think as simple as possible kahit napansin ko na at alam ko ng iba?
How can I be that stupid? Nakita ko na yet pinabayaan ko lang. I was too lazy to think. Masyado akong natakot sa sakit ng ulo. Kung nag-isip sana ako di ko na kailangan pang umabot dito. Stupid me for being too lazy.
Lesson learned: I should have used my brain more often. Walang naddulot na mabuti ang katamaran. You can avoid headache but definetely not heartache kung di ka mag-iisip. May nabibiling gamot sa sakit ng ulo sa botika pero sa heartache from heartbreak wala.
