I'll Give You the World.

Chapter 4

The bus pulled up to Cas's stop, and we both picked up our bags and trudged towards his house. Maybe three seconds after the bus drove away, Cas said "Carry me?" I sighed. I really wanted to.

"Cas, your parents barely know me. How's it gonna look if I carry you up to your doorstep in my arms."

Cas sighed. "Incredibly gay. I know. You should make sense less often." We slowly made our way to Cas's front door.

"Dad, I have my friend Dean with me. He's staying the night." A short man who frankly looked nothing like Castiel strolled out from the kitchen.

"Fine by me. I'm Chuck, nice to meet you." I shook his hand, then leaned down to Cas.
"Meeting the parents, huh?" I whispered. He giggled.

"Ok, we're gonna go to my room. Call us when dinner's ready." I awkwardly followed Cas to his room. We sat down on the bed.

"So... Uh. How are you feeling?"

"For the moment? Better. In general? Pretty shit." A chuckled.

"Really. Castiel Ray-of-sunshine Novak swore and said he feels like shit. Cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria," I quoted.

"Do you mind if we talk? I appreciate you trying to lighten the mood, but I just haven't had anyone to talk to."

"Of course, Cas. That's what I'm here for."

"It's just strange, and awful. I've been dealt blow after blow after blow, and here it is, the big bad one. I know that everyone has their burdens, but I find myself having to ask: why me. Why me, Dean? What did I ever do to deserve this? Who could I have wronged to bring this upon myself? I try to live to help people, and here I am, routinely stabbed in the stomach every day after lunch. I'm losing weight faster than my grades are plummeting, and I'm just gonna blip out of existence soon. I don't know how to deal with this, and it happens every day.
"Imagine, for just a second, that someone has shoved a balloon in your stomach. And if you eat anything that's got any flavor, texture, or is anything besides chicken or an apple, someone fills that balloon until it's shoving its way out of your stomach. You're going to burst, but the balloon just keeps on growing. And there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can't even say anything, because screaming in a room full of people is frowned upon, but even when I'm not in crippling pain I just want to scream and scream until there's nothing left. But I can't. There's nothing I can do to stop it, there's no reset from checkpoint button. Nothing. I just have to deal with it. I can't do that forever. I want to live. But there's no way left for me to do that. So what's the point in being alive." I sat back. My jaw hung open. He was sobbing, and I think I was crying too. I don't think I've cried since Mom died.

"Cas. Do you mind if I talk now?" He nodded, biting his lip trying to hold back sobs.

"I don't know why this happened to you. You're the brightest person I know, and no one deserves this. Not you. You don't need this. I wish I could take this from you. I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat if it meant you were happy. I want to give you the world. And I wish I could look on the bright side here, but I can't. I really hate to say it but I'm sre you've already thought it. Your life is over. There's not much to do and I wish that I could change things for you, I wish that it would stop. I wish that I could at least have made the road here a better ride, because you've had a hell of a bumpy one. If I couldn't change this, I'd at least want you to have the best life leading up to it. I want to give you the world and I would in a heartbeat. But I can't."

We were both full on crying now. I wish there was something I could do. I wish a lot of things. None of them for me, for once. I leaned forward and gave him a hug. We both sat there for a while, sobbing with our arms wrapped around each other. Cas pulled away.

He took a shaky breath. "I'm dying, Dean. I don't want to die."

"I really wish I could help, or at least tell you otherwise. I've never been an optimist though." We both gave weary, shaky smiles and pretended for a second like things were ok.

KissHimKissHim it will make him feel better I promise KISS HIM

What the hell, invasive thoughts. Probably not the time. Well, the invasive thoughts took over executive control.

"Off topic question. You ever kissed anyone?"
Cas stared at me and tilted his head. His face was soaked with tears, but he still did the adorable head tilt.

"Wha- What? Why?" He wiped some of the tears from his face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't know why I asked that. I've just been feeling kind of... off lately."

"Oh. Uh, no, actually. I haven't." We sat there silently until the invasive thoughts regained control.

"Would you like to?"

"God, yes."

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING FULL PANIC MODE RED ALERT RED ALERT
Sirens went off in my brain. I still had not taken back control of my actions. I watched, almost as if I were in the third person, as we both closed our eyes and leaned towards each other. Was this really happening? It was. I let it happen.

We connected, and I felt a thousand pound's worth of weight lift off my shoulders. We sat there, unmoving for a while until I finally pulled back.

"I-I- uh, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have l-" Cas cut me off. His lips were pressed against mine again, and I couldn't think for the life of me what I was going to say. Suddenly, I felt his arms snake their way around my neck, and I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist. Calmly and gently we moved closer together until there was no more distance between each other to be bridged. We both moved slowly, in sync, and time flew. How long we were like that? I don't know. I wanted to go further, but I figured Cas should be in control. I pulled back just enough to speak. our foreheads were still pressed together.
"I don't know how fast you want to go. I'll let you lead, okay?" He kissed me in response. I felt a nibble at my lip and opened my mouth just enough. Our tongues fought together. I thought I might be dreaming, but I was snapped back to reality as I felt a cold hand make its way up my back. I didn't mind. I moved my hands to the back of his head. I always loved his hair, and now I got the chance to run my hands through it all I want.
"Dinner's ready!" Chuck hollered, and I slowly pulled back just a bit from my... boyfriend? We had just been making out for... I checked the clock. Half an hour. I'd say that constitutes dating.

I leaned back in for a quick kiss. "We should probably go eat," I said against his lips.

"Awww. I can't eat half the stuff there anyway. I'm enjoying this much more." I smiled and pulled back. He let go of me and I stood up, holding my hand out to help him.

"We can continue when we're done. Come on. You really should eat something."