nasty

why am i like this why do i do this to puff

More sadness involving Puff because I'm sad
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Why can't Puff get over this? It was years ago. It's over and done with. Why does he care so much over it? Why has it affected him so badly?

It was a normal quiet day, to say the least. It was weird for everyone else, considering something ALWAYS happened to the band members. But no. DeeJay was out and about, getting groceries and other things from a lot of different places. Axel has been trying to teach Vincent new tricks. Benatar just sorta sat and did whatever he thought of doing. And Puff had yet to leave his bed, not that he was asleep. He was awake, but he just didn't want to get up. No one questioned it, but it worried Benatar. He knew about the fact Puff has dealt with some stuff, but Puff always tried brushing it off and finding every excuse to seem like he's over all of it. Benatar really didn't believe that.
"Yo, has Puff gotten up yet? We were supposed to be recording stuff today, weren't we?" Axel peeked from the corner of another room, looking at Benatar.
"No.. don't think he has. I can go check on him and ask?"
"Go ahead, but I'm gonna get ready to head out. Taking Vincent for his daily.. almost daily walk."
Benatar nodded, getting up and stretching. He made his way to the back where their beds were, sure enough Puff was still in his. When Benatar got closer, he could hear faint sniffles. Wait.. what?
Benatar was lucky to be blessed with quiet footsteps, because he didn't want Puff to know he was there and cover himself up.
Benatar was very close now, and it was obvious what was going on.
Puff was crying. Puff NEVER cries. At least.. not that anyone knows of? Oh God, that made Benatar worry even more.
Benatar tapped his shoulder gently, which startled him anyway. Puff quickly covered his face with the blanket and continued to face away.
"What is it?" Puffs voice was cracking, and had a slight frustrated tone.
"Wanted to tell you everyone's gone, 's just me 'n you now. Are you okay?"
Benatars voice was full of concern, and that made Puff feel worse.
"I'm fine. I just don't have a ton of energy today." That was another like, Benatar was getting sick of hearing them. He sat on Puffs bed, his head turned towards his blanket covered body.
"You and I both know that's not right. You don't have to tell me nothing, but I hope you know you can. I WANT to help you. I WANT to make sure you're okay."
Benatar tried to make his tone sound comforting, as the first bit sounded kind of rude and he didn't want to make Puff feel forced or anything. Puff sat up, quickly turning over and hugging Ben. It shocked him for a second, as Puff was never one to do something like HUG someone. Sure, when he's drunk he'll do it, but not when he's having a god damn breakdown.
Benatar hugged him back, holding him in a comforting way and rubbing his back. Puff was crying, hard. It stung Benatars heart. It's been said before, but Puff has NEVER cried in front of anyone. He wasn't known to do that. He wasn't known to be a sad person, nor known to be dealing with some serious shit. No one took it seriously, and Puff didn't seem to either.
"'Ey.. it's okay. It's going to be okay." Benatars voice was sweet, like honey. It was too gross to admit but to Puff, it was true.
"I just w-want this to stop.. I just want these shitty f-feelings to go away. I hate them, I-I don't want to deal with them anymore I just want them to disappear--" Puff was barely understandable. His face was covered, he was stuttering a lot, and he was crying so hard he was choking.
"Oi! Listen to me," Benatar pulled Puffs head up, and held his face. Making them lock eye contact. It was scary to actually SEE Puff crying. It didn't feel real. Benatar didn't want it to be.
"You need to calm down. You're gonna throw up, love. It's gonna be okay.." He pulled Puff into another hug, whispering comforting things to him. It was working, Puff was starting to calm down from it. Puff pulled away, still holding onto Benatar by his shoulders.
"I-I'm sorry. I know you probably think I'm a pussy now and--" Puff was cut off almost immediately, "I do not! Puff, I do not think you're cowardly for this! Crying is a good thing to do, it helps your body and mind, as much as that sounds awful. It is not cowardly, in fact, I personally think it's brave."
Benatar moved them around into some kind of side hug, then looked back at him.
"Now, do you want to talk about it?"
"I.. do yeah. I'm just.. upset about the past. My past. Father left, mother didn't care about me, step-dad abused me and at school kids just loved bringing it up all the time. I didn't want to care about it, so I became, well, who I am today. I didn't want to care about anything at all. I just wanted to be happy somehow. Turns out what I've been doing isn't working..."
Puff seemed to get a bit more upset again. Benatar was a bit shocked, though it made sense. It made him feel awful for him though, as Benatar doesn't know what it's like to be abused or abandoned, he can get an idea of how shitty it can feel. How it can change you.
"Puff, of course tha's not gonna help. You can't just avoid your issues and hope the bad feelings that came with them just.. fly out of your brain like birds! And you shouldn't just pretend to not care, that's not good on you or anyone around you."
"But what else can I do? I can't go to anyone about it--"
"You can come to me."
Both boys went silent. Puff never had someone to go to, at least no one has ever said he could go to them. Then again he's never told anyone he's got some issues. But it was.. a little scary? His thoughts were racing. He trusts Benatar, a LOT. More than anyone else he knows. But would Benatar really be willing to help him?
"I don't know.. I don't wanna stress you out."
"You won't be stressing me out by telling me! If anything you'll stress me out if you don't, not to put pressure on you. I just mean that I'll worry more if I don't know what's going on."
Puff thought it over, again and again. Is this the right decision? He hopes so..
"...Okay. I'll try to come to you when I need to. But for now I just wanna sleep. Hahah, crying made me tired.."
"Of course, I understand."
When Puff was back to laying down, Benatar got up. Well, he was about to, until something pulled on his hand. It was Puff. Benatar looked at him with his head tilted confusingly.
"Can.. can you... um. Stay? If that's okay?"
Benatar was surprised, but he smiled at him.
"Of course, love."
He smiled back at him, god Puff loved being called that. Benatar got next to him, and Puff just sorta snuggled real close to Benatar. Benatar put his arms around him when he did. Doing this made Benatar equally as tired, and he was starting to drift off to sleep when he heard a faint "thank you" from Puff. He wasn't exactly thinking, and he ended up kissing Puffs forehead. Oh well, they can figure all that out when they wake up.