Broken

Chapter 2

Fast forward a few years, my parents divorced and my mom remarried and we moved out of state. To say I rebelled against it would be an understatement. I was a rebellious little thing anyway! I didn't adjust well, I didn't make many friends. The only thing I found solace in was my music. I'm a singer so that is how I spent my time. I would practice from 1.5 to 3 hours a day, I loved it. I was obsessed with music, in all forms. I was constantly trying to discover new bands that my friends would recommend, new broadway musicals (my personal fave), new indie bands that just hit the scene. It was the 90s and one of the best decades for music in my opinion! So, my mom and I continued to battle and it just kept getting worse. I even considered getting emancipated! I know, I was 16, don't judge! Things moved on the way they always do, I eventually graduated and moved back home to Indiana staying with my Nana (my saving grace) and Popie. She was my very best friend, there are no words to do that woman justice. She was an absolute saint. She saved me from my moms wrath I don't know how many times. I am who I am because of her.

Life moved on, time progresses the way it always does and I moved on with it. For the first time in my life I was truly happy. I had a best friend that I hung out with constantly, a job at a pizza shop that I loved, and life was good. But you know what they say, what goes up must come down. My mom divorced husband #2 and moved back to Indiana and the cycle started all over again. I moved back in with her and my brother but I wasn't home much because I was 18 and thought to myself fuck you I'll do what I want to. But before you start judging me I was a good kid! I never did drugs, I've never even tried pot, and I didn't drink, I was quite the prude so I wasn't out having sex either. I just hung out with my friends doing whatever we felt like doing. It was rural Jackson county Indiana, so, there wasn't much to do! We usually just cruised around listening to music or hung out with a bunch of other kids our age at an abandoned parking lot. Sometimes we hit up parties but that wasn't my scene so we didn't stay long.

Fast forward a year and through my best friend I meet Christian, my daughters father. He was a good ole country boy and an all around good guy. He was definitely the one that got away. We were together for about 6 months before I found out I was pregnant. We were ecstatic! My friend was pregnant as well so that made it so much easier for me, I wasn't alone. I had Chris but it's not the same. Zoë Rebecca Kinser was born June 7th 1999 at 4:54 pm. She was the light of my life, I never knew I could love someone this much. I never knew anything could make me this happy. She was such a happy baby, we were very blessed with her! Every day I get with her I wonder how I got so lucky. She's such a good kid, my best friend.

Fast forward a couple years and Chris and I go our separate ways, both of us deciding it just wasn't meant to be. I should have fought harder to make it work. I should have been better but there's no use crying over what might have been. I got my own apartment and Zoë and I were doing just fine on our own. I would work whatever odd jobs I could find that would work with our sitter schedule, I hated leaving her with ANYONE. It was torture for me! But we had to have a roof over our heads so I would endure it the best I could. I dated one guy for a short amount of time but it just didn't work out. There was too big of an age difference and we just wanted different things. Now, at this point I was hanging out with my future husband and father of my kids AS FRIENDS. He had just been through a nasty divorce and his ex had taken their kids and he needed a friend. I was that friend. I had no idea what lay in store for not only me but my children as well. I had no idea how many times we would have to hide behind locked doors and in closets praying to God that he would pass out before he would find us. I had no idea the lies I would have to tell not only my parents and friends but my own children. I had no idea such evil could reside in a man I called one of my closest friends. I HAD NO IDEA I would come close to ending my own life to escape the hell he put me through. I really, honestly, and truly had no fucking clue.