The Forgotten Ones (A Completed Steamy, Historical Romance)

January 8, 1863

"December 30, 1862

My Beautiful Wife,

I was so pleased to receive your letter.  I have worried since the loss of your father and brother.  We are receiving letters, although not as often. Please do write, even if you do not hear from me. 

I am so proud of you.  I'm to be a father again, and I just know you're beautiful just as you were with your first pregnancy.  If it's a girl, will you please name her Rose after my grandmother? 

I do not believe I'll be home again until after you deliver.  I wasn't with my men for the Second Bull Run, and not many of us are being granted leave.  All men need to be here for upcoming battles.  I love you and pray for a safe delivery. 

I don't have but a few moments to write.  Lamp oil is rare at the time, and we are busy during our short hours of daylight. We are currently on the move.  Please be safe, healthy, and give our children my love.

Your faithful Husband,

Oliver Westgate

I curled up in my bed and hugged onto his letter.  I have been avoiding Armstrong since the day in the barn.  I'm so confused, because I love my husband with everything inside me, but when Armstrong touched me I felt justified.  Maybe I haven't forgiven Oliver after all.

I am no longer the wild spoiled girl that moved into this home two years ago.  I am scarred, and I'll never be the same again. 

I collected myself and sat at my husbands desk.

"January 8, 1863,

My Dearest Oliver,

The grief of losing my father and not knowing if you will return is taking its toll on my heart and my thoughts.

I've done things lately that make me think that I am too losing my mind.  I learned some things about a man's risk in visiting brothels.  Am I sick?  Are you sick?  Will our baby suffer because of its father's choices? 

I'm so sorry my love. I thought I forgave you for your sins, but I quickly learned I must now learn to forgive myself.

This war is killing both of us slowly.  I wish I never knew of my father's indiscretions.  They do not give me any peace now, since Armstrong and I have our own sins to hide."

I stopped writing and tucked the letter away along with his.  I'm not in my right mind to write him.

There is a blizzard piling snow on us, and I keep imagining Oliver freezing.  I understand he has almost nothing to keep him warm. 

I decided to stand up, go to my children, and hold my head high. They need a content mother, so I did what I needed to, push everything aside, and take care of the most important loves of my life. 

Mae and Patrick have grown closer, and spending a lot of time alone.  My sister is content and loved. 

I saw Armstrong standing in the corner of the parlor as my children began to grow sleepy.  It was time to put them to bed for the night.

He stepped forward.  "I'll help."  He picked up Elizabeth because he's her favorite man in the house, and she curled into his strong arms. 

We took them up to bed, then watched as their eyes grew heavy and then fell asleep. 

I went to walk away, and he grabbed my arm.  "You can't keep avoiding me.  We should talk." 

I looked up at him.  "There's nothing more to say." 

He let out a deep breath as I walked away.  I undressed, and while I left my shift on, I climbed into my marriage bed alone. Slept never comes easy these days.  I layed there and thought about Oliver.  My hand run up and down my very tiny midsection.  This time I barely feel pregnant compared to how I was with my twins. 

My mind shifted to Armstrong.  How can something that felt so good, eat at me like it's killing me.  As my heart breaks once more, I realized that I'm not just sad for myself and Oliver.  I'm also sad for Armstrong. 

I climbed out of bed and tip toed through the hall, then slowly opened Armstrong door.

"Are you sleeping?"  I whispered.

"Is that meant to be humorous?"  He answered.  "I've barely slept for a week."  He said as I slipped into his bed. 

"What are you doing, Naomi?" 

"I need held."  I curled up beside him.  "Umm, you think that's a good idea?"  He asked.

"No, but it's what I need.  You're right about talking." 

"I'm sorry I put pressure on you."  He said.

"Don't apologize again.  I'm a big girl and I made a choice.  I just need to be clear with you about Oliver.  I love him, Armstrong.  I feel horrible at the possibility that I lead you to think I didn't and we would someday be a family, but my heart belongs to him.  I could never truly love a man like I do Oliver.  I need you to find a woman that can love with with no reservation."  I finished.

"Sometimes I feel like my love for you is so strong, it could carry both of us."  He put his arm around me as I rested my head on his chest. 

"I'm the one that should be saying my apologies.  I'm so very sorry."  I said.

"No, it's not like I didn't know you are in love with him.  I'm prepared to say goodbye."

I looked up at him, and the moonlight highlighted his face perfectly.  "It meant something to me. You're special to me, never doubt that."

He looked down at me, and I looked at him.  He studied my eyes just before he kissed me. 

"No more, Armstrong.  Never again, understand?" 

"Yes, I do." 

I quietly left his room and went to bed, where sleep consumed me.