it's ok ; lin yanjun

1

"xiaohong, where did you go?" yanjun asked me. i looked up at him curiously. "what do you mean? i was always here."

he shook his head furiously and said, "its back again i guess, i probably dreamt of you being gone, again." i walked over to him and embraced him, my head resting on his chest.

"im sorry you have to go through all this. i wish i could help you, but i dont know how to." i whispered into his chest. i felt his tears drip onto my hair, wetting it. the dream must have been bad.

"i-i dreamt that you were gone. i dreamt that you left me while i was asleep. i cant do this. i cant let you leave, not like how she did..." yanjun's voice softened to a whisper, hiccuping while speaking.

"i wont ever leave you, yanjun, im your best friend. i promise ill never do that, alright? im always here. whenever you need me." i assured him.

he hugged me tighter while placing his chin on my head, why was he so vulnerable? how much did that girl hurt him?

i just remember yanjun telling me that he loved her very deeply, and she left him for another man. but why? poor yanjun was so hurt by her actions.

the first few weeks when she left him, he always woke up in cold sweat and cried very hard before calling me. it was always the same sentence, "she left again...". my heart always breaks whenever i heard it.

i always, with the same sentence, "it will be okay," to reassure him. soon it happened too often and he was starting to scream because of the nightmares, i decided to move in with him.

we're friends, i know. my parents disagreed as we were of opposite genders. it just was not right, they said. but i will never let yanjun suffer, i just hope my presence was comforting enough to him.

we grew up together, he was always the one with the glass heart. if i said something too mean, he would be really hurt and will ignore me for days. i dont blame him. he had a rough past.

we went to the same schools, had lunches together. and that girl, was his first girlfriend. i never knew she would break his heart like that. it was really painful seeing yanjun being hurt.

now he was 23 years old, still hugging me as tightly as he did when we were five, just his arms now full of scars.

when he started cutting, i cried. i cried so hard till i had a massive headache. i was outside the bathroom while he locked himself in, cutting the red lines on his forearms.

my heart shattered even more. he was suffering so much because he loved someone who did not deserve him.

i begged him to stop, he told me the pain was addicting and drowned his sorrows. he told me he just couldnt let her go.

as yanjun continued to embrace me, i lightly traced his face as his arms, promising that i will never let him go.

i will always be with him.