contrasting colors || p. lahote

chapter five

August 23rd, 2005: 2:00AM

Molly was pacing back and forth in her room now. "Tonight" had come and gone and she still hadn't heard from or seen Paul. She couldn't deal with Paul brushing her off like this anymore, she was worth more then empty promises and painful secrets.

She looked out her window down to her backyard, her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness.

She could see the tree-line that acted like a fence and the hastily mowed lawn, but the yard was still empty, with no sign of Paul walking across it like he always did when he would sneak into her bedroom.

Tears fell from Molly's eyes unexpectedly for the first time since their first argument over summer break. She finally felt like she had lost Paul and she was terrified for him and whatever it was that he was going through.

The sixteen-year-old seemed even smaller now as she crawled into her bed, quietly weeping. She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

Her eyes glanced up at the clock as she was awoken by the familiar sound of her window creaking open. Molly flopped over in bed to face the large shadow that was somehow her boyfriend.

Even through the dark, Paul could see that Molly's green eyes were puffy and swollen with tears.

He silently bounded across the room to her, laying down besides her and embracing the girl he had broken.

The moment Molly's cheek was in contact with Pauls bare chest, a sob escaped her own, causing Paul to hold her tighter and rub her back.

His body that she had become so accustomed to was a stranger to her now. She was more apprehensive about his touch then ever before.

The normal thrill she got out of having him in her bedroom without her parents consent was replaced by dread; dread of her mom walking in on them, the dread of Paul's dad realizing he was not at home in his own bed, the dread of having to face the problems that had wedged themselves so deeply in-between the two of them.

"I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you, Mo."

"Then why don't you stop doing it? Or try to help me understand why this is happening."

Paul sighed deeply. "It's not that easy Molly, I wish it was that easy."

"Is this because I wasn't ready to have sex with you? Because if it is I can do that. I love you Paul, I can do that." Molly squirmed out of Paul's grip, pushing herself to look down at him.

"God no, Mo. Don't be crazy. This is all me, not you. You need to stop blaming yourself for everything. You are perfect. It's everyone else in your life that screws up, I promise you, it will never be your fault."

"I just want things to go back to how they were Paul." Molly leant down and kissed his face multiple times before he connected their lips.

"I'm going to make things go back to normal, or as close to normal as we can get now." Paul sighed. "But I should go now."

"No." Molly held his face down on the pillow, and Paul played along as though she was actually strong enough to do something like that.

"Normal three months ago was you spending the night, so that's what normal is going to continue to be now. Every ounce of me is trying to tell me that there's another girl in your life, but I don't want to think that."

"You need to stay with me to prove to me that you're not going to see someone else."

"Molly, no other girl is as important to me as you are, if that were the case, you would be the first to know, I would never in a million and one years want to lead you on. I loved you three months ago and I still love you right now, and hopefully I will get to love you forever."

"You are so good for me and I know you don't understand whats going on, but I know that you understand that we love each other and that's all that should really matter, right?"

They melted into each other, trying to forget that they both felt that things were not going to go back to normal, or even close to normal.

The next morning, Molly woke up alone.