I'll Be Okay, Right?

October: Clothes and Church

WARNIING POTENTIAL TRIGGER
Its just a small part for anxiety
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I hear a knock at the bathroom door and a small voice call out to me.
"Jess? Daddy wants you to get out of there... youve been in the shower too long.."
My sister Kaitlynn. Most of what she was saying was muffled but I got the jist of what she said. "Yea, sure. Gimmie a sec."
    I slowly put my underwear and bra back on and dry my hair.
    Half of the time I was in there I was changing myself in my mind, trying to imagine myself differently... No boobs, short  hair, and another thing vital to NOT being a girl...
    I put my button up shirt and pants on, struggling with my still soaked legs and the dry jeans sticking to me.
    I look in the mirror one more time at my shoulder length bleached hair and sigh. I open to bathroom door and walk downstairs to the laundry room to put the dirty clothes away.
    We have a pretty nice house, its very big, and the only reason I go upstairs is to shower or play a videogames (sometimes) or instruments.
     I hear a noise behind me in the small dark room. I whip around to see my cousin Taylor about to scare me. "Um.. boo?" She attempts.
     I laugh at her failed effort. "Oh my God! You scared me!" I tease "shut up... " Taylor pouts. Taylor is very small for her age, shes 14 and still the size of a growing 9 year old. Her longer natural blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes are nothing like mine and my sisters dirty blonde hair (excluding the fact my hair was bleached awhile back. my roots are showing now) and blue-green eyes. My sister got the prettier bright sky blue eyes while I have the blue-green ones.
    "Watch what you say Jess." My mom comes around into the butlers pantry from the dining room, looking at us in the laundry room.
        "Sorry Mom.." I mentally roll my eyes.
    Im not one for religon but ever since my step-mom came into our lives its become more prominent... her name is Brooke Knöbl, my dad, Justin Carter, has been with her for about 9 years now, so she really is family. Although me and my dad are more on the "If I see it, then ill believe it." kinda people we still go to church with Brooke and the girls.
    "Its fine, just be more aware of how you use the Lords name."
    "Yes ma'am. "
     She walks through the pantry and into the kitchen to get some cereal before we head to church. Hm... food.. sounds like a good idea. I playfully nudge Taylor out of the way and go to get some cereal too. I look back at her and stick my tongue out. She does the same to me and laughs.
I love that girl. Best cousin 10/10.
As I grab a bowl I hear my mom set down her bowl loudly.
    "Jessamine, what are you wearing?!"

I freeze.

My heart starts to get out of controll.
"Umm.." I turn around slowly to find an anger filled face "... my dress shirt.." I feel my face get ready to cry. My nose starts to tingle and my arms cross against my stomach. I feel like Im being crushed and I can't breathe.

    "Go take that off right now! What the hell do you think you are?! Youre a girl, so dress like one!"

    Just then my Dad comes in from his room.
"Whats goin on in here?" He asks half awake.

I look at him with teary eyes. Im about to burst.

    "Shes doing it AGAIN!" she exclaims.
My dad sighs and looks from me to my mom and back again.
"Jess, go change. You know how this goes..."
"Yessir"
I quickly shuffle through the pantry again, through the dining room and into my room across the hall.
My breathing got faster but its now slowly starting to go back to normal. As I try to calm my self I hesitantly go through my clothes and find a neutral shirt that isnt to cute and isnt too dude-ish. As i was taking my shirt off my mom knocks on the door and yells through.
"I want a dress, not just a different shirt this time Jess!"
    My heart sinks.
"Yes ma'am......"
I start to find a decent dress and put some shorter shorts underneath the dress. I feel like Im gonna cry again.
I move as slow as I can out into the hallway and stand there awkwardly.
Kaitlynn and Taylor are already dressed up and waiting at the door for our dad.
Taylor looks over and frowns at me alittle and walks over. "Sorry Jess... u okay?" She seem sincerely upset that I had to change.
"Ill be okay.. extremely uncomfortable, but okay..." I reassure. "Okay.." she says we both turn to go to the door. The reason Taylor is living with us is because her dad ,James Carter, isnt very stable money wise
And he dosn't do the best of things. He buys alot of drugs and stuff so CPS came and took Taylor and her brother James jr. (nick named baby james) to stay at CPS for awhile. Eventually my parents got permission to take care of her and her brother. But baby James did something that shouldnt be discussed, so hes back with his dad. Taylor has been with us for about 3 years now. We love and care fo her as if shes our own. 

Our parents come out of thier room. "Ready to go y'all?" My dad asks.
"Yea!!" Kaitlynn exclaims, not really paying attention to what just happened. "Let's go" he says. We all walk out to door and get in the car to head to church.

Aw man... I didnt get to eat...

Oh well...

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Known fact about writing... introducing the characters is the most boring part of the whole story lol. So once everyone is properly developed the real good stuff will start👌🏻
in the next chapter they will be attending church but i personally dont have a very good understanding of how church works. Ive tried and failed at learning religion, so im going off of what i remember as a child. Sorry if a absolutely decimate what church is actually like lol.

Also, the setting is in Austin Texas( 2018) the family dosnt have the stereotypicalcountry accent but they use the slang that a country person would use.
Also, please be sure to vote on my story. Id really appreciate it♡♡

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!♡