I'll Be Okay, Right?

Intro: One of the Guys

This story is based off of REAL life experience... ive decided to put out my heart and soul into this and i hope yall like it... just to clear things up, i am gender fluid and wanting to be trans. But family circumstances stop me from doing so.... some of the characters in this story are also based on real people and thier name will not be the same for privacy...i will post new chapters when i can between school work and home stuff. So, without further adu..

the intro---

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I stand in my bathroom, staring at my naked body... wondering if these tumors on my chest would go away... or if the empty spot on my crotch would suddenly be filled. But I guess things like that can't just happen.... My name is Jessamine Carter, i'm 17 years old in my senior year of High school, and the dysphoria that has been eating at my sanity for over 7 years is pushing me to my limit...

Ever since I was young, I always wanted to be "one of the guys". I'd hang with the boys at recess, not really enjoying swinging on swings and talking about dolls that i'd just got from my mom. I loved playing football and soccer and basketball with the boys, being rough and pushing eachother around, not caring if I scraped my hands and knees on the ground from rough housing. I loved when it rained before recess so I could play with the worms ,that just came from the ground to get their rare Texas rain to freak my girly friends out and chase them around the playground with the mud covered wriggling worm. Now, obviously, I know these activities are not exclusive to boys only.. but the urge to BE "one of the guys" lingered in the back of my mind...

Waiting.

Manifesting.

Torturing.

After 7th grade, I was a pretty emo kid.. wearing any dark clothing my parents allowed me to wear, baggy large clothing that hid my developing figure, which my parents absolutely hated. They teased me about being like a boy and that i need to act more like a girl and theyd make me change sometimes. Then my short (but not short enough) hair.. that my dad was furious about when my mom cut it.
It wasnt that short. It was only to my jawline, making me look like dirty-blonde haired vampire "Dora the Explorer" wanna-be.

Throughout my child hood, I was an angry kid. My ADHD kicking in made me not focous very well and I end up jumping around on my thought process, made me not so good grades wise. I think my anger stemmed from my parents divorcing after my little sister Kaitlynn was born.. I was 7 years old and on meds. But after 8th grade, I chilled out.. my anger was learned and controlled. And I never went to in school suspension ever again.

Now that you're caught up on my past, lets come back to the present...

Where i'm at the brink of self destruction...