Bad Company

Chapter 40: Becoming You

"You need to get a grip, Amber. You're pregnant and acting like a psychopath!" Christy scolded, glancing from the road over to me. "That was completely fucking insane and what if someone would have saw you do that and they pull a gun on you?!"

"Just because Billy pulls shit like that, doesn't mean you should. You could have been killed!" She continued.

"Alright!" I shouted, "I got the fucking point."

"Do you? you sure? Because doing shit like that is nuts." Megan joined in on the lecturing.

"Just shut the fuck up!" I screamed, unaware that I had done so until they both went dead silent and looked at me like I was some stranger. I sighed and leaned my head back against the headrest, "I know what I did was stupid but this is my fucking life were talking about. My child's life."

"Exactly." Megan mumbled, "That's why we're mad at you... you and baby could have been hurt."

"I'm sorry, alright?" I apologized, irritation still visible on my face.

"I think you should keep that." Christy stated, nodding towards the gun in my lap.

I turned my head and stared at Christy with a puzzled look upon my face, "Are you serious?"

Christy nodded, "I'd sleep better at night knowing you got it."

"You feelin' alright?" I chuckled.

Christy smirked, "Yeah, I am. Are you surprised I care about my best friend and her child?"

"No, I'm just glad to see that you are." I answered truthfully.

Christy smirked and glanced down at her phone, quickly texting and glancing back up to watch the road. There was something about her facial expression that was a dead give away that whoever it was she was texting, was someone she wanted to keep a secret. I know it -- she knows it -- it's just obvious. I've known Christy a good chunk of my life, I know all her deepest and darkest secrets. I know when she's angry or when she's excited about something. I know when she's lying, when she's telling the truth and I know when she's hiding something. Be that as it may, it's not my business and an argument with my best friend is the last thing she or I need right now.

There's three things on my mind right now:

The first one being, 'How am I going to tell Billy?'

The second being, 'How am I going to explain to Billy that Bodie's detective sister was the one who informed me'

And last but certainly not least: FOOD. I'm going to go home tonight and eat until I'm so bloated that I look like I'm pregnant with twins. Damn me for not eating dinner before we left.

I can already imagine how my knight in shining armour, err..., my criminal in tribal tattoos, is going to react. Probably exactly how Detective Wallis said he would react. Then again, I can't really say that I blame him... after all, I just pulled a gun AND held a gun against someone's forehead over this. A part of me is afraid of who I've already become and another part of me is afraid of who I may possibly become. Maybe this is the hormones speaking and I'm just overreacting... but I've changed.

Then again, I'd rather be the way that I am now than what I was a year ago. I was literally a fucking punching bag for some asshole who knew I was too weak to stand up for myself and put a stop to his abuse. I guess he got what was coming to him though... even if he went out a way that I don't approve of. I'd never tell anyone that though...

I often forget some of the things the love of my life has done in such a short period of time. The love I have for Billy seems to overlook what he does, what he is. He's a uncompassionate, ruthless, cold-hearted, drug dealing gang lord who kills people without an ounce of remorse. However, I see the side of Billy that desperately wants more than the life he leads. Sometimes I look at Billy and imagine the young boy in the photo of him and Joe hanging above our unborn child's crib. Often wondering what kind of childhood did he have - if he even had one at all - considering he had to pretty much raise Joe.