Based on true gaming events, the story of how thousands of Sunnyvale residents were locked out of Sunnyvale Trailer Park on the Eve of Goldie the Gold Fish's Bornt Day, due to an update to Trailer Park Boys: Greasy Money that made the game unplayabl...
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If you think there isn't an unwashed duck out there that would sleep for months in a wet broken tent outside the Sunnyvale Trailer Park wall, smoke a fat bowl of Tangerine Trudeau and think again. Go ahead, try it. You can buy an eighth at the liquor store on Clyde Street. Just walk right up in the motherfucker and wait the fuck out of that queue!
So wiped out from boycotting a greasy mobile phone game that outgrew the Dixie cup on a string I pay $38 a month for, I put a giant sign on the flattened tent that read "Wake And Bake Me Up When We Are Finally Free!" and took a big fat nap. Expected to sleep forever, as fuckers never come round, like the Kindergarten teacher said after the fire fight with the Mounties.
So imagine this duck's surprise to feel his bill slide open in his sleep and be filled with clouds of Bluenose Ferry Dream. Senses slide into place and the pinball of consciousness is released into the bumpers of tangible reality. Waaaaaaaaugh! Fry my feathers, why am I being arisen unless we were indeed finally free?
"Yes, you are finally fucking free!" screamed Donnie from behind the wall.
I looked up and the Mustard Tiger was kneeling over me, a red and white glass bowl in his hand with the leaf from the flag on the front. The lighter flickered and drew a deep toke of pure electric Bluenose.
"Hope this flower is waking you up, Buddy!" said the ghost of Phil Collins, "It was either Bluenose Ferry Dream or Keddy's Good Night Kush!"
Maritime marijuana slapped the fuck out of my senses, but today instead of filling my nerve pockets with filthy lucre to spend in Brain Town, I had legal cannabinoid currency to think my way out of anything.
The Mustard Tiger grinned and disappeared into the air with a long exhale.
I got up to find the sun was a shade brighter, the grass was a shade greener and the air smelled like a shit ton of weed was being smoked everywhere there is where.
I walked around the wall of Sunnyvale one last time. After months and months of being out of the mobile game, I had come to realize something.
I missed the fuck out of the game and would give anything for a fist full of hash coins and a key to the Sunnyvale wall. Well, almost anything, short of getting another phone, like a red Solo cup on a string...
