Out of My Mind

 I stared at her as she wobbled toward me, unaware of me. Which was fine, since I did look a little creepy, staring at her.

In my defense, though, she was beautiful. Beyond beautiful. No words could describe her. Ethereal might be close.

Her hair, pale as a pearl, fell down her back in tight curls. So tight, that they had to be natural. My mom put hair curlers in hair enough for me to know the difference. Bangs framed her face, a pair of black rimmed square glasses sitting right under the edges.

Everything about her, from her large glasses to her bangs, and the way she kept her head down, forcing her hair to fall over her face, led me to the conclusion that she wanted to be hidden. That it was a natural state of being.

I wanted to meet her halfway. To push strands of hair behind her ear, look into her eyes, which had to be beautiful and mesmerizing, to match the rest of her.

The problem was I swore I would only do that to my one and only, my other half, my soul mate. And I was gonna run into her soon, I knew it. But something about her drew me in, made my heart race and my head to blank.

There was the possibility that she was the one for me. But I knew not to get my hopes up, not to settle or wish for anything.

Besides, the true test needed to happen before anything else.

Nearing me, I felt behind me for the door, swinging it open for her. Her eyes glanced up in surprise, probably for the first time noticing me. And I was struck dumb at the sight. I even stopped breathing.

Not a single freckle or blemish marred her skin, paler than porcelain. A pert nose, light pink cupid bow lips, pixie-like features. It was her eyes that grabbed my attention, though, the color a gunmetal gray, dull with a certain sheen to them. Upon closer inspection, I took note that even her eyelashes were light.

I had a few questions I was dying to ask, but none came out.

Coming back to myself, I took a deep breath in, noting with some satisfaction that she seemed to be studying me, too. With any luck, she didn't catch me checking her out.

That would be embarrassing.

I gave her a smile, running a hand through my dark hair, her eyes fixated on the move. It was nice to know that the attraction was double sided. In the back of my mind, I wondered if she noticed how polar opposite we were, her light to my dark.

"Thank you," she murmured, her voice light and quiet. I gave her a smile, nodding my head to the interior of the building, encouraging her to hurry up. We were both late as it was, no need to make it worse for either of us.

She stepped forward, her hand brushing my arm as she did so, her scent of roses washing over me. I had to refrain myself from leaning forward to get a better sniff of her.

The rest of the morning was uneventful, the classes loud and boring, the halls crowded, and no sign of her.

It was an idiot move to get attached to a girl who spoke two words to you, Erek, an inner voice told me. I didn't even try to come up with an excuse as to the reason my eyes scanned every person in a classroom, every girl I passed. I searched the faces of girls with red hair, black hair, just in case she somehow put a wig on after I saw her.

It was stupid, I knew it.

Who is Erek?

The voice was in my head, but it certainly wasn't me. For one, why would I question my own name? And two, the voice was soft, feminine.

My heart began racing and the voice of the English teacher was drowned out by my excitement.

It was her, my one and only. It had to be. My parents told me that the moment we'd touch, we'd be connected, first mind, then soul, then body.

Everything in me wanted to stand up and walk out of the classroom, to find her, to talk to her and explain to her what it meant, what she meant to me and vice versa. The people occupying the desks around me gave me the side-eye at the grin that I was sure was on my face. Everything in me brightened, knowing my life was about to change, that it already was.

I am Erek, I responded right back, the action easier than breathing.

If I knew I was going to go crazy today, I would have worn my special hat, my soul mate sassed. If possible, my grin grew bigger.

My knee bounced under the desk, my heart telling me to find her.

You're not going crazy. It's hard to explain.

I'm pretty sure hearing a disembodied voice in my head is classified as crazy.

But I'm not a disembodied voice. I'm actually in Mr. Edwards class.

The bell rang and I shot out of the class, ignoring the stares following me. I needed to find her. 

 "Erek," I mused, sitting down in the library during lunch, my homework set out in front of me. I knew several Erek's in the school, but none stood out to me at the moment. Could it be the mysterious stranger from the parking lot this morning?

God, I hoped he didn't see me walking like a newborn calf. Curse my mother who decided to wash my favorite pair of ankle boots, ones with soft gray suede fabric and no heel. It was just my luck that the only other shoes I owned were high heels.

The shortest pair I could find were a pair of tan wedges, about four inches tall but feeling like fourteen.

All day, my eyes had a mind of their own, searching every dark haired, dark skin student, looking for the dark forest green eyes that had mesmerized me earlier.

The irony of it was not lost on me.

Even our clothes were polar opposites.

A periwinkle blue jacket clung tight to my slim frame, white washed skinny jeans sticking to my legs. He, on the other hand, wore a black hoodie, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a pair of dark navy jeans.

Where are you? Erek asked for the third time. It was clockwork, every thirty minutes. I wanted to tell him, to meet him, but I was terrified.

Living with a lack of melanin while in high school is not as fun as it sounds. What if he was the Erek that tripped me in the hall the first day I transferred? Or the Erek that liked to make out with Destiny Shirk in the hallways?

All the hope and excitement in his voice would be squashed at the first sign of me. With that knowledge, I refused to even give him a name.

What if he wasn't even real? That might be better than him being someone I knew, actually.

I'd rather be crazy than a disappointment.

I wrote in the notebook open in front of me, I am Rosalinda Engel, and currently hiding in the library.

I didn't mean to say it out loud, or in my case, in my head. I meant for it to be a hope that I trusted myself and him to one day meet. I meant for it to be a promise that we would one day meet.

I did not mean for the stranger from this morning to somehow find himself seated in the chair beside me, his eyes bright and his smile wide.

I gave him a quizzical look, confused.

"Hey. I'm Erek." He introduced himself, leaning onto the table, bringing himself inches away from me. "And you are Rosalinda Engel."

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Thank you so much for reading this, it's still technically a rough draft so any and all constructive criticism is welcome!