Falling for Him (Sabriel AU)

Old Friends with The Past (21)

This chapter has a very, very descriptive, very, very, triggering memory in it. I will give you a very BIG warning before hand and give you a very BIG message when it's over. It disgusts me to write it, but it'll make the story a lot better, history wise and it'll give you (if you chose to read it) an idea of how bad it was.

"So Sam, tell me about yourself." I avoided the therapists eyes. I still had no idea why I was here. Dr. Young's office was small, quaint. A few personal items like pictures and children's drawings were scattered around along with various books, magnets, stress balls, and puzzles. It was as generic as you could get with a therapists office.

Dr. Young was a bit different from her relaxed office. Jet Black hair with faint red tips, light eye makeup and a full black pantsuit. Her bright blue eyes were trained on her monitor that displayed a half finished Solitaire game. Now that I think about it, she kind of reminds me of Cas. "Uh... Well, what do you want to know?" I heard her chair move a bit and felt her eyes on me.

"Anything you would want me to know." I bit the inside of my cheek.

"I'm sure you already know about me."

"Maybe... But there are obviously some things I don't know." I stayed silent and she sighed. "This obviously isn't going anywhere today, so I'll talk to Dr. Novak about your evaluation tomorrow." She stood up with me and handed me off to the nurse. "Have a good day Sam." I nodded slightly and went back to my room.

To my surprise, Gabriel was there, sitting on one of the chairs and I smiled. "Gabe." He looked up from his book and grinned.

"Samsquatch!" He pulled me into a tight hug. "Ugh being separated for two years was ridiculous."

"Stop being a drama Queen. It was two days." He held me at arms length and smiled a bit, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Gabe, I've done my fair share of lying through my teeth. I can tell something's bothering you." His smiled faltered a bit and I sat down on the bed. He sighed and sat down on a nearby chair.

"Lucifer told me what happened the other day. Sam, I'm worried about you and..." His face darkened and he looked away from me.

"And what?" He bit his lip and his left eye twitched a bit. "You're scared..." He sighed deeply and shifted in his seat.

"Yeah..." He whispered. "Don't be mad, but I asked Charlie to do a background check on you, although I could have done it myself I just- ugh..."

Was I mad at him? Absolutely not. Was I disappointed? No. I would act the same way in a situation like this, but...

"She showed me the CCTV footage from the other day and... That's not you Sam. I know for a fact it's not-" I turn back to him.

"And what if it is? What if I'm some psycho who never remembers what happened to them?!" I felt tears prick my eyes. "I'm just want he wanted..." I stand up. "I-I'll be in the garden." I didn't even look back at him when I closed the door.

Instead of turning to walk in the direction of the garden, I made my way to the roof. When I opened the door, I felt the cold late November air bite at my exposed skin. I took off my slippers and walked to the edge of the building, setting them on the ledge and then sitting down, my legs hanging off the edge of the building.

I wasn't going to jump, but I certainly thought about it. It would be so bad then. Dean and the Novak's wouldn't have to put up with me, neither would Charlie or Kevin. Gabriel. The name left my lips in a cloud of smoke. I couldn't do that to him, but it would keep him safe from me.