Idina woke up, wrapped in James's arms. She snuggled into him, softly kissing his bare arm.
He stirred slightly, smiling against the back of her head. "Good morning cupcake."
"Cupcake? What the fuck?"
James moved and Idina realized it was an attempt at a shrug. "Wanted to try something new," he muttered.
She smirked, rolling on top of him and kissing his forehead. "Feeling dominant this morning, are we?" James joked, bursting into laughter when Idina attempted to grind against his leg and was unable due to her enlarged belly.
"It's not funny!" She exclaimed, indignant.
"Yes- it- is!" James gasped, unable to breathe due to how hard he was laughing.
Idina began tickling him, but was cut off when James suddenly flipped them and kissed her. Not a soft, romantic kiss. A fierce one. She moaned, but them pushed him away. "James-"
"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry." He looked worried.
"No, no, it's me. I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood."
"Oh, I understand."
"7 months left."
"I know, baby. I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I understand. I love you."
"I love you too, James. I love you so much."
-1 hour later-
"James!" Idina yelled from her position on the bed. "Did you go get the stroller from that woman on Craigslist?"
"Uh, no, I forgot, sorry." James yelled back halfheartedly, barely paying attention.
Idina groaned in frustration before swinging her legs down and walking into the living room. "James."
"What?" He said, eyes glued to the TV.
"We are having a BABY. We need to get this shit done."
"I know I know I'll do it later..." he replied, trailing off and grabbing a handful of popcorn.
Idina, anger building in her chest, moved farther into the room to see what was so intriguing that he couldn't pay attention for 2 minutes.
When she saw the storm troopers and light sabers, she scoffed in disbelief. "James Randall Snyder, you are ignoring me and the needs of your unborn child for STAR WARS?"
He jumped off the couch, hearing her shout, and turned off the TV. "Sorry! I'm going now!" He yelled, grabbing his keys and tripping over himself to get out the door.
Idina smirked, satisfied with herself, but the feeling quickly disappeared as she felt a slight pain in her uterus. As it faded, so did her worry and she went back to bed.
-1 AM-
James stumbled in the door, flicking the light switch to reveal Idina sitting on the couch waiting for him. "Where the hell have you been?" She asked, standing.
"I was just out with friends," he slurred, his breath reeking of alcohol and the corners of his mouth quirked up in a drunken smile.
"Did you get the stroller?"
The typically clean-shaven and handsome man giggled like a schoolgirl. "What stroller?"
Idina glared at him, her annoyance building. "The one I sent you out to get THIRTEEN HOURS AGO."
"Oh um. I uh, forgot."
"James, why does this keep happening? Why do you keep going out to drink? What the hell is going on with you?" Idina shouted, knowing she wouldn't get a straight answer. "This is the fourth time this week. Something's going on and I need to know what."
"I just- baby can we forget about it? I'll go tomorrow, I promise." He said, trying to sidle up next to her and failing due to his severe intoxication. He walked to her, bracing himself by putting his arms on her shoulders. "I want you," he whispered carefully in her ear. The broadway diva shivered involuntarily, but was quickly overcome with flashbacks to a year ago.
Breath that smelled of alcohol, his unshaven face scraping hers as he kissed her while his rough arms pinned her to the wall, tears rolling down her cheeks, his tongue licking them up, slowly and sensually, then the cold air hitting her legs and the rest of her body, and then... pain. She was left covered in bruises, her rib cage seemingly smashed in and her eye black, amongst other injuries.
Idina collapsed to the ground, sobs wracking her body. The tears rolled down her cheeks and she tried desperately to wipe them away but there were too many, too fast. James left, making himself some coffee and then heading to their bedroom, leaving Idina on the floor to shake and sob as the memories overcame her.
-3 AM-
Brunette hair draped over a figure dressed in a white nightgown, her knees pulled up as far as her protruding belly allowed, her face buried in the space between her breasts and her knees. This is what James saw as he walked into the kitchen, now sober enough to think straight.
Immediately, he ran over to her, sliding his arms around her shoulders. She jumped about a foot at his touch.
Shit, James thought, did I do something? Oh God. Stupid, James. What the hell were you thinking?
"Idina?" He said softly. "Idina, it's okay. I'm here now. I'm so sorry. It was stupid of me. I won't drink again, I swear. I'm so sorry Idina."
The goddess, his goddess, lifted her head slowly. Her hair was a mess; her makeup was smeared, and her eyes were red and puffy. "Idina..." he breathed.
"I'm okay."
"No you're not."
"Okay, no, I'm not. You left for 13 hours, James. And then as if that wasn't scary enough you come home WASTED, and tell me you "want me."
"You were having flashbacks weren't you."
Idina nodded, tears leaking from her eyes. James went to wipe them away, but Idina flinched away from his touch.
"It's gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay." James whispered.
"James?"
"Yes?"
"Why do you keep going out? What's so bad that you need to escape?"
James looked down at his feet. "I just- I guess I'm a little scared about this baby."
"That's it? Everyone's scared James. It's not like this is your first kid, either. You had Oliver."
He stood, shaking his head. "No, Idina. I mean I don't know if I want it."
Her eyebrows came up and her heart sank. "What the hell are you talking about."
"I'm talking about how I barely had a say in this. It happened, and I had to comfort you, and we never discussed it."
"What is there to discuss?! Do you think I had a say in it? Hell no! Do you think I wanted to keep it? Not at first! But I did!"
"Why?"
"For you, you asshole," she said softly, her voice cracking as she broke down into tears for the second time that
night. "I thought this was what you wanted. I thought you loved me."
"Hey, that's not fair. I never said I didn't. I'm only saying I'm not sure we're ready. Shit Idina, we aren't even married. This is a little soon."
"But what does it matter? It's your kid, James. How could you not want that?"
He shrugged, tears now streaming down his face. "I'm sorry."
Idina turned and went into the bedroom. James followed after he was sure she was asleep so she wouldn't kick him out.
Shit, he thought again, before dropping off to sleep.
