Short stories/poems

The First Time I Fucked Up

October 12th is forever burned into my memory.

It was the first time I fucked up,

Pushed you away when I should've loved you.

Should've made an effort,

But you stayed and said that even if I didn't want you or love you, you would still be there.

At first, it was creepy, you walked me to every class without saying a word.

Only I called it following me everywhere.

Every day, every night, good morning, and good night.

Left you on read.

Ignoring everything you said.

Woke up to thoughtful paragraphs saying I'm perfect.

Why make those lies?

Why convince yourself I'm who you want?

That I'm who you need?

Even after I hurt you because I thought I wasn't good enough for you.

Time passes by and you are still there.

You still say you love me and I admit that I wanted you.

In the beginning, it was perfect.

The cuddles, the words, the calls, and the sex.

You were the one who took something of mine.

Although it hurt physically, it was special.

May 4th is forever burned into my memory.

Months passed and you became less interested.

You covered it up with lies and just distanced yourself.

The closer I got to you the farther you stepped away.

It hurt mentally, and I would talk to the one person I never should have even spoken a word too.

You wouldn't tell me anything but got angry if I tried to keep something to myself.

You would ignore me and just ditch me whenever you felt like it.

I felt lonely and would go talk to him again.

If only you would have told me that talking to him was the reason you felt that you felt like I wasn't loyal, I would have stopped talking to him right then and there.

Yet, you didn't.

You kept quiet and just lead me to believe you didn't care about me anymore.

The ditching and ignoring turned into public fights.

September 1st is forever burned into my memory.

I said the words, "I don't think it's working out anymore."

You told me not to cry or to be sad.

Shouldn't that have been a huge sign that I would never cheat?

Although it was that day that I went to him to talk, he took it as something else.

I never wanted to do that with him.

I felt disgusting and that I was a whore.

It the second time I fucked up.

A week or two later you finally told me why you were acting distant.

After that, I snuck out for you, and you asked me to cut him out of my life.

So, I did.

I kept telling you I loved you and you said it back, leading me on.

When I eventually asked if you ever wanted to get back together, you said no.

I'll admit, it hurt a lot.

I still stayed and was there for your enjoyment.

Then once again you distanced yourself, but this time was different.

You openly called me things and would tell me that I was annoying.

Of course, I struck back with insults as well.

We would yell at each other in public and it just ended up horribly.

Where did all of this hatred you felt come from?

Camp came and you yelled at me in front of other cadets.

I'll admit I was angry and I cried that night.

Hell, I actually thought you were going to hit me.

That was the first time you fucked up.

It was the first time I was actually scared of you.

Yet, me being me, I know I'm going to try to fix things.

As I still love you and I'm trying to hate you, but it's impossible.

I might have to leave something I love behind because of you and other misunderstandings.

Just know, it's not a good idea to fuck with me or my emotions.

I know how to ruin a person's life.

After all, you did see what I could do without even knowing what I did.

Even though it hurts, and I'm not okay.

I won't do anything to hurt you back, I love you too much for that.

(A/N: .......this one.....now he was someone who impacted me a lot and I just, I couldn't finish one of my stories as I can't find the motivation to. The perfect guy that a story was about ended up not being so perfect. Although it wasn't physical, he hurt me mentally and I can barely be around him without freaking out in my mind. It's been two months, but it seems the pain won't go away. When he walks past me and the smell of his cologne that surrounds him makes me feel nostalgic. I miss the good memories that are slowly fading away leaving the bad ones to remind me why I could never be the same. I still cry almost every night, I don't understand why I can't get him off my mind. Damn, it hurts so much to know he believed what everyone else said but he couldn't believe the one he "loved." I'm sorry but the feeling of love that I had. The feeling I needed to write that story is gone, and all that's left is pain and anger. I lost my perfect guy and was just left with someone who was ok with hurting a girl because of a rumor. I know I was supposed to write more stories and long ones at that, but the story I'm talking about I have been working on for two years now. I just lost all feeling to write it which is upsetting to me....maybe one day I can finish it as for now...I'm just gonna disappear for a bit till I can write again. Have a nice day everyone.)