Loved You First (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 1

Harry's POV:

My life is fucked up, and it really shouldn't be. But I made it so difficult, it really didn't have to be.

I couldn't just be normal, I just had to like boys. I just had to figure out I was gay when I was only 11 years old. I just had to met a certain bloke in the x-factor bathrooms at boot camp. I just had to be put in a band with this fellow. I just had to tell no one in the band. I just has to pretend we were best-friends, even through all the playful hugs and kisses, all the nights we spent cuddling. I just had to fall completely in love Louis.

His ocean blue eyes just memorized me, that beautiful laugh rang through my ears and made me smile, those soft lips made my own tingle from the want, his feathery hair just felt so nice, his beautiful body, his personality, just everything. Everything about Louis Tomlinson was freaking perfect, yet none of him could be mine.

I was friend zoned and I hadn't even told him how I felt, because how could I when we were best mates? And how could I say something to him when he had a girlfriend?

Exactly.

I couldn't say anything to him and I couldn't let anyone in the band know because they wouldn't ever stop pestering me about it.

So I am stuck. I'm in love with a boy who lives across the hall from me in our flat and I can't do anything about it. And it hurts me so bad when he's with her. She's everything I can't be, and everything I want to be. As much as I hate to admit it, he deserves better than me, he does deserve her.

El is so beautiful, her face is flawless and her personality is sweet and bubbly, just like Lou's. She has a perfect body, nice and skinny, something I'll never be. She is a freaking model for christ's sake, I could never be one.

But most importantly she was a she. I was cursed with a dick, a dick that was separating me from the love of my life.

And one of the worst parts was that you could tell that Lou was so in love with her, he always was with her and they were so cute it made my insides twist. And because he was so in love with her it made it even more obvious that I was just a friend to him, and that was all I'll ever be to him.

So my life sucked because everyday I wanted to snog the living day lights out of him and I just couldn't. I had to see his stupidly perfect self every day. All of this has been building up for the past three years and I just can't take it anymore.

The smile I put on my face everyday is just a show for everyone else. I just can't smile a genuine smile anymore, I can't make it reach my eyes and I can't laugh until my stomach is in pain and tears of happiness are coming out of my eyes. I mean how can you smile and laugh if you aren't truly happy?

I guess you could say I've become depressed. And it has taken a toll on who I am as a person and how I live my life. I hardly eat anymore, but none of the boys seem to notice. I cut regularly, of course in less obvious places, but still no one notices. No one notices that I take anti-depressants to try to be happy again. No one has noticed the dulling of my green eyes or the paleness of my skin. The life is literally draining out of me, but no one notices. No one sees through the fake me and I'm just trapped inside myself.

The only person who knows about the depression and pills are my mum, Anne, and my older sister, Gemma, I haven't told my dad because I just don't feel as comfortable with him. They know everything, including my love for Lou.

They have been telling me since bootcamp to tell him how I feel. They said "maybe he feels the same way". But I know for a fact that is the farthest thing from the truth. I know that he would never feel the same way about me. For christ's sake he said our ship was "bullshit". Obviously the feeling isn't "mutual", you know what I mean?

So yeah I am fucked because what could be worse then loving your best guy friend who is in a serious relationship? I thought nothing. But turns out that I am so much better at making things worse then they actually are...