Look What You Made Me Do

Part IV

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time

Honey, I rose up from the dead; I do it all the time

I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice

When the executioner finished tying the rocks to my legs, he grabbed the ropes and instructed me to hold out my wrists.

Remembering a trick that my brother taught me once, I took a deep breath, forcing myself to relax my muscles and then did what he said.

With my hands bound, I was led to a small bridge, overlooking the rushing river. The Black River was so called because no light penetrated its surface. There was little life within it save a few blind fish that were too poisonous to be eaten.

I felt hands on my back, pushing me into the dark, swirling water below.

One moment, my feet were on the ground, the next, in the air and finally I was in the water. My brother's voice echoes through my mind, a wisp of a memory. If I tensed my muscles now, the rope would loosen. So I do, and it loosens and desperately, I free my hands.

But I'm still going deeper and it's hard to breathe. Keep going, he urges--not a memory now, but a hallucination, forcing me forward as I fight to get the rocks off my legs. Black spots in my vision, can't breathe, can't breathe, but the rocks are off and I'm swimming upwards. Hurry, he tells me, and I swim faster, going up, up until at last, I break the surface.

Breathe.

I let myself have one precious lungful of air, then went down again, terrified that someone had spotted me. I let the river carry me further downstream, coming up occasionally for a breath of air. When at last, I couldn't take it anymore, I fought against the currents to swim to the shore.

Laying on the grass, I let the sun warm me for a moment.

I was alive. I'd made it.

The adrenaline that was keeping me going faded, and I was suddenly so tired. But I couldn't rest--not yet. I needed to make sure I was safe.

I looked around and saw that I was in a small clearing, surrounded by trees. In the woods then. Good. I could hide out here for a few days.

A wave of dizziness and nausea hit me as I sat up. I vomited, then crawled away from the smell, seeking shelter at the base of a tree. I needed to rest.

I spotted a line of blood, trickling down to my ankle. I traced it with my finger, until I found the wound in my leg. I held it up, resplendent in its coat of red. I'd been cut. I supposed it must have happened when I was trying to get the rocks off me.

I turned to the tree next to me and wrote my husband's cursed name. But it wasn't just him, was it? I wrote down the name of my treacherous maid, also, who'd given false testimony against me. Then the Grand Judge, the Chief-of-Army, the traitorous nobles, everyone down to the Herald and my maid.

It was a thing of beauty, my list of seventeen names written in blood. I peeled the bark off, careful to keep the names intact. Laying down, I stared at it until my eyes closed and I sank into a darkness not unlike the one I had just escaped from.