In My Veins

3. Dancing on my Own

Barr. Jules Jackson above.

I get home with my heavy heart a few minutes later. I notice that the mover trucks are gone. Wow that was fast. I see Jake coming out the door when I'm about to head in my house.

I'm really not in the mood to see anyone or talk or even wave so I quickly race inside my house and shut the door. Scratch that. I slammed the door actually. Now I think he heard me and thinks I'm weird.
Just Great.

I go upstairs to my room and toss my bag to the side. I'm not feeling very tidy. I know what's coming. I'm about to have an episode.

The pain of betrayal hits me like a raging tsunami. Zack betrayed me, betrayed my trust and betrayed the love I had for him. I was waiting for the blow of him having a girlfriend that is not me which is inevitable. But him choosing Lauren who has made his best friend's life a living hell is like him plunging a knife in my heart and twisting it till I'm lifeless.

I thought I was ready for whatever pain this would cause but I'm not. Right now I just want to scream. So I scream.

I scream like a fool on top of my lungs. I suddenly feel an adrenaline rush into my body and my episode starts.

I walk over to my queen size bed and pull all my sheets to the ground. I take my pillows one by one and toss them away with all my strength. Not caring where they ended up or if they toss something over. Tears are streaming down my face as I scream again. I don't care if anyone hears me or if I'm causing a nuisance in the neighbourhood. This is my release of all the anger and pain inside of me.

I continue my tantrums going to my desk and pushing all the books and my reading lamp to the ground. Seeing as there is nothing to tear apart anymore, I start kicking the bed. I know I'll have sore feet later but I just don't care anymore. I kick and kick with all might. I imagine the bed to be Lauren's face and feel a sense of contentment that I'm kicking that smug expression off her face.

When I feel like I've lost all my strength, I stop kicking and walk- sorry, limp over to my adjoining balcony feeling numb. I get there and just slump down on the ground.

I'm still crying. I hug my knees to my chest and bury my face in my laps and cry harder. Remembering all the moments we've had. There were times when he almost kissed me. But he would always be the first to look away and start talking about other things leaving me disappointed. Now I know he was just living in the moment.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear my name being called out. "Kath." I immediately know who it is. I don't know if I should look up or just ignore him but seeing as I just had an episode. I need someone to talk to before I lose it. So I look up.

Jacob is looking at me from his own balcony which is so close he can literally jump into my own balcony. Yes because our houses are twins. Same structure and everything. He has concern written on his face as he looks at me with calculating eyes. "Are you okay?" he asks me.

I'm not okay and I won't lie to him but I don't have the voice to say anything. Before I know it, a new batch of tears start streaming down my face and I start crying again putting my head down.

"Shit! Kath is your door locked?" I just shake my head that's still on my lap. "Okay, Is it okay if I come over?". I raise my head up and nod, not caring if he's a stranger I just met this morning.

He rushes into his room from his balcony and then I hear him shout 'Jules' before his voice fades away.

I stay there for a few more moments before I hear my bedroom door click open and I hear some footsteps coming towards me. I don't look up because I know who it is. Or I think I do.

Someone sits down beside me and what I hear startles me a little. A female voice "Hey Kathy. Jake told me to come see you. I heard the screams but didn't know it was you. Could you tell me what the matter is?" she coos in a very calming and soothing voice. Her voice is so serene that I feel myself calming down. No wonder I heard him say Jules before.

She gently grabs my shoulders and I gradually look up at her face. She is wearing a worried expression on her face. Well she should. I look a mess and there are tear stains on my cheeks mixed with mascara and my eyes are bloodshot.

"Kathy you can talk to me. I'm here for you. Did anything happen?" she asks me with that serene voice again. Somehow I feel I can trust her and so I tell her everything. From the very beginning.

"whoa... You really didn't deserve that." she says. I know she's overwhelmed by the whole thing. Because it really is A lot.

I look at her and she just smiles at me and continues. "From what you just said,Zack is a d*ck and the girl what's her name... Laurel or what... Is a devil. He doesn't deserve you. And he sure as hell does not deserve your tears. Kathy, you are strong, powerful and beautiful and Zack holds power over your joy and happiness. He lost you." she said. I quickly ponder over what she said and I realise that she's right. I shouldn't be crying over him. After all these years he never saw me. He was too busy pining over Lauren to even look at me. He never saw me that way. But now I know better.. I'm an amazing and awesome person and he lost me.

I clean my eyes and give Jules a weak smile. She pats me on the back and stands up holding out a hand for me to take. "Come on let's get you cleaned up." I take her hand and stand up and then she starts walking with me back to the room. She looks back at me and notices that I'm limping.

"Oh my God what happened to your legs?." she asks me with worried tone still looking at my legs.
"I was kind of kicking at the bed." I say
a shy expression. She must think I'm weird. She just sighs and smiles at me. She puts her hand in the crook of my arm and helps me walk back to my room.

"Now you're going to go into the bathroom and freshen up and put on some comfortable clothes and I'll wait for you here okay?" she tells me. I nod and go get a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt from my dresser and limp my way to the bathroom.

I look at my self in the mirror and nearly puke. My makeup is smeared all over and my hair is an enormous mess. Now I need to visit the salon. I quickly peel my clothes off, take a quick shower and wear fresh clothes.

I throw my used clothes in the laundry basket and come out to see Jules, -wait, what is she doing?
I see Jules arranging the things I threw all over the place from my desk and I can't help but feel awkward. I just met her this morning and she's clearing up my mess.

"Hey Jules, you don't have to do that. I'll do it later when I've put ice on my feet." She looks up at me and smiles "Oh this is nothing really. Just go downstairs and get an ice bag for your feet and I'll finish up here okay?" she says in a voice that says 'This isn't up for argument'
"Okay. Thank you Jules, for everything" I tell her sincerely. And limp downstairs.

Wow Jules is so nice. She barely knows me and she's helping me like this. There are actually really nice people in this world. Some aren't evil like Zack and Satan's spawn.

I successfully get down stairs without falling over. Thank God! And then make my way to the kitchen when I see someone else In my living room and freeze.

He's been here all along?