I don't even remember how the argument started nor what it was about.
I do remember the harsh words that both I and my wife spoke...and I remember that it was directed to each other.
I remember the relief for a moment that the kids were staying with their grandparents for the week.
I remember that not only words were thrown at each other, but plates and pictures were as well.
It all seems like a bad dream at this point.
I don't exactly remember what caused me to do what I did, but I hit her and just stormed off.
I should've apologized.
But I was too weak to be the bigger man.
We should've talked it out, we should've taken the correct route. The route that would save our marriage but should've doesn't mean I did.
Now I sat in a dingy motel, mulling over my thoughts with nothing more than a half empty bottle of whiskey keeping me company.
So many things I should've done, but I didn't.
So many paths I could've taken....but I didn't.
Should've, would've, could've, they say.
I sighed and took a sip of the cheap whiskey, my eyes closing to fight off the tears.
I should apologize, I should call her....
No, that's not enough.
I shook my head and tossed the now empty bottle onto the ground and stood up.
It's been long enough, enough wallowing in self pity, she must be at least slightly worried. It's been two days for goodness sakes, of course she's worried.
I stood up and made my way into the bathroom, washing my face to try and sober myself up.
What do I have to loose? Besides literally everything I love and care about....
I straighten my hair and suit that I had worn to work earlier today before making my way out of the motel, not bothering to take the last still full bottle of whiskey on my bed.
I wasn't stupid, I knew flowers weren't magically going to solve everything but they couldn't hurt and she loves tulips.
I picked pink, her favorite color, it always had been. Even when we were kids.
I worked up my nerves as I walked onto my porch hesitating at the door as I went over the speech I had made in my head.
I let out a soft breath while reaching out to open the door, but it was locked.
I frowned and pulled out my keys, reaching forward to unlock the door but the keys wouldn't fit.
" I hate you!"
" Well that's fantastic news because I hate you too, I regret proposing!"
" I regret saying yes! I regret ever loving you because it seems like all you can love is yourself!"
" It's always the same with you. Like a broken record. Can't you ever say anything meaningful?"
" I hope you die!"
My fist collided with her cheek before I could even process what I was doing.
It was silent for what seemed like the longest time.
"....get out of my house." She whispered finally.
" Fine with me." I snapped as I stalked from the house.
" Don't come back!"
I shook my head and tried the lock again.
The keys wouldn't fit.
She changed the locks.
To all those out there who are going through an argument. It will get better, you have to work together to fix the problem. You made a promise until death do you part, don't take that lightly. Stay, work it out. Save your marriage or you may regret it later. Fix it now before it's too late.
