warmth ; kth + myg (taegi) (for sunny)

warmth

       I don't think I will ever be able to forget my first weeks of college. I was feeling a mix of emotions before entering the school on the first day. I was nervous. For the first time since middle school, my best friend, Jimin, and his boyfriend, Hoseok, weren't here with me. But, since they both majored in dance in a different university, I couldn't rely on them for everything anymore. However, I felt as excited as I felt nervous. I was finally going to study what I liked the most - photography - and I couldn't wait to meet people who shared my passion. The first day didn't go as well as planned, I felt like people were finding me stupid when I just wanted to make friends, but I decided to not let it ruin my first year of college and kept doing what I loved.

       Paying my fee was hard, even if I lived in a really small apartment, so I had to look for a job. At the end of the first week I got lucky : the school's coffee shop was hiring. I started working there the exact day I got hired, it was a Friday. It was raining outside. I was wearing a fluffy sweater and large, flowy pants that day. You're probably asking yourself why I remember that day so well. No, it's not because it was my first day of work. It is because on that rainy Friday evening, I saw him for the first time.

       At that time I didn't pay that much attention, or at least I tried to tell myself I didn't. But now that I think of it, I remember every single detail, every information about him I could take in that day.

       There was this huge, round window in the coffee shop, and the owners had built a bench in it's ledge. There he was, slumped down against the back of the bench, his earphones stuck in his ears, scribbling down in a thick, torn out notebook. His appearance looked mysteriously appealing, almost scary in a way, but when I picture it now, he just looked like he needed a bit of warmth. Strands of his black hair were hiding his eyes, his body was drowning in endless, shapeless, large layers of clothing. Even with all of that, I could guess how frail he was. He seemed completely absorbed in what he was writing and I didn't want to burst the other boy's bubble, so I just walked to another client, pushing the vision of the black haired boy out of my mind.

       Until my next shift - which was on tuesday - I didn't really think of him again, but I knew the thought of him was still here, in my mind, making me wonder if I'd ever get to see him again, or even to talk to him. I got an answer fast enough when, on my second shift, he entered the shop and sat at the exact same spot. I remember letting my eyes wander freely on his silhouette, thinking he probably wouldn't notice. I was taken aback when he suddenly looked up, his black eyes staring directly into mine. At first I wondered if he had noticed me scanning him, but I soon realized he simply wanted to order.

      My whole body filled up with a new emotion as I walked up to him, entering his cold shell of mystery.

       I looked at him pull one of his earphones out, giving me a bored look and playing with his sleeves. I could feel from where I was that interacting with me was making him uncomfortable, so I tried to seem as friendly as i could.

'Hi,' I said, both hesitant and excited at the idea of hearing his voice, 'would you like to order ?'

I gave him the brightest smile I had, but he didn't smile back. He only nodded yes.

'I'll take a black americano, please.'

Before I could even say anything else, he had put his earphone back on and was looking down at his notebook.

       I walked back calmly to the counter, told my colleague about the order, and only at that moment I reacted.

      His voice was deep and low, his tone uncertain, his gaze started avoiding mine once I was close to him and he made the exchange as short as it could be. Was he simply shy ? Or was there more to it than what I could imagine ? So many questions were rushing through my mind and, eventually, I couldn't keep a satisfied grin from finding its way to my face. His voice was soothing, softer then I had expected it to be, but just as cold. His whole being seemed like it needed just a bit of warmth. Just a bit of love.