The Boy I've Always Loved (Completed)

Truth Unfurled

Wrecking my brain about this dilemma with Zack has me walking on egg shells and it is messing with my academics. I run out of Spanish class and head towards the library, the only place I can think clearly. Skipping class has never been an option, but I can't go to another class with him and have myself made a fool because of it.  I am out of breath and scan the library for a quiet spot. I get out my phone and put on my earbuds and get on uTube.

As I listen to my playlist, the song "Team" by Lorde reminds me of my seventh grade year and images are replaying before me. Soon I remembered the conversation that lead to the strangest question he asked me that year.

Hey, so what do you think about (Elsy)?

Why?

Just wondering.

She's alright i guess.

Would you go out with her?

No. Idk! What do you think?

Idk I think she's nice.

So....Why are you asking me this?!

Just wondering. And cuz she wants to know.

Ok. Well no. So I heard something funny today. Want to know what it is?

Sadie: Sure!

Zack: So these two girls, I don't remember their names, came up to me and said that YOU liked ME. That you were just waiting for me to ask you?

Sadie: bahahahaha are you serious?

Zack: I know right? I knew they were lying.

Sadie: I don't see you like that. You're my best bud!

Zack: ok. Well I gotta go. Ttyl
Sadie: ttyl

I hadn't thought anything of the question. For some reason I thought that it was joke.  But then I recalled that after Christmas holiday he came back with Elsy as his girlfriend. I remembered him saying that she had a weird forehead, so it came as a surprise. I didn't know he was even looking for a girlfriend.
Then it got me. Was that why he asked me if I liked him? Was that HIS way of finding out if I liked him?  I shook my head and suddenly remembered Johnny, Zack, and I  in the family room playing Undergroundtale when he asked me.

"Sadie, what would you do if you saw a spider?"

"Uh, I'd just step on it! Or find a shoe and kill it! Why?"

"Elsy screamed anytime she'd see a spider or any type of bug. And then she'd have ME kill it!"

"Well maybe she just has a phobia." Chimed in Johnny.

"I don't think so. She was just bossy!" Replied Zack.

"Sadie is too!" Johnny retorted back.

"Not like Elsy she's not! Believe me. She was always making me do stuff that I didn't want to do. Sadie just tells me what I should be doing not telling me to do this and that. " Finished Zack.

"Not to me! She tells me what to do all the time." Insisted Johnny.

"That's different, Johnny! You are my brother. Zack isn't." I tried to end this conversation even though I didn't mind hearing Zack say that he didn't like Elsy. And then I asked what I had been wanting to ask him for a while.

"So why did you date her?"

"Truth be told, I just wanted a girlfriend. " Zack stated defeated as if he had been wrestling with himself whether to tell me or not.

"Why didn't you just say so?" I inquired as I kept my eyes on the screen playing. He kept his eyes on the screen as well and replied.

" I don't know! I guess I just thought you'd be mad at me."

"I'd never be mad at you Zack, at least not for a reason like that! I like you too much!" He looked at me questioningly after I said that. To clear any misunderstanding up, I quickly added.

"As a friend of course! " I assured him. Suddenly I experienced the same feeling I had that day, something that I had blocked long ago that day. I felt a pang in my stomach and my chest tighten. I remembered how much it hurt to see him with Elsy even if it had been for a month, and that I wondered about us being more than friends for a brief second, but at the same time  scared I was to lose him and found myself fearing losing him for real this time.