The Boy I've Always Loved (Completed)

An Inevitable Change

I fall asleep after crying for hours and sleep until the next day. I wake up fresh and feel glad that Saturday is finally here. Even though I have to work, I look forward to working and hope that I don't see Zack much so as to avoid sudden emotions that I may have to suppress or worse can't control and start crying again. I go to the kitchen to find some breakfast.

"Good morning sweetie. You alright? You went to sleep early yesterday. Were you tired?" Mom inquired as she headed towards me to hug me.

"Very tired!"
"So everything is alright? You feel better now that you've cried out what you needed to cry out?

"Yes, mom. It was no big deal."

"Remember, if you cry, I cry. You don't have to tell me why. I would love to help you and you know I'll try my best to help, but it is up to you if you want to tell me."

"Mom, it's Zack. "

"What's wrong with Zack?"

"He is real distant with me and I don't know why. He won't talk to me or anything. I don't what to do."

"I am so sorry. But you remember in ninth grade, he was distant with you then and then all of a sudden things got better. Keep your chin up. I'm sure he'll talk to ya again. "

"That's right! I almost forgot about that. Thanks Mom!" My spirits were up and was excited to begin my day. But as I did I tried to think back on the events with Zack in the ninth grade.

******

I was in the varsity team and had just gotten home from an away game. I was tired and ready for bed, but instead headed towards the restroom first to brush my teeth when he stepped into view. We stood there awkwardly, both of us wanting to say something but couldn't. I could tell he did because he looked tensed up. I wanted to ask him what his deal was and why he was avoiding me. I wanted to ask a hundred questions at the same time but couldn't. Instead all that came out of my mouth was,

" Were you needing the restroom?" I tried to meet his eyes. He avoided looking back and as he turned to leave said,

"You go on."

"Okay, thanks." I went in, shut the door, and waited until I heard his footsteps walking away. It took a few moments and I almost started to say go away, but he did so without my telling him. I felt so stupid. I had had the opportunity to confront him and had missed my opportunity. As I brushed my teeth, I wondered what could have happened and wondered whether Zack had found something to dislike about me. We had known each other for five years, surely there was something that was the matter. What worried me the most was that he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore and that made my chest hurt, then I felt a salty tear touch the top of my lips.

I remembered everyone expecting us to go to homecoming and him going with Mercedes instead and me staying home watching RomCom movies and eating ice cream.

I remembered my conversation with Mercedes after Homecoming and how gut wretching it felt when she told me the news.

Hey, are you okay? I heard you went home sick today?

Yes, I am not feeling well. Just want to lie down.

Hope you feel better. Is that why you didn't sit with us during break fast?

Yes. It started early.

So did you hear? Zack and I are dating.

No. But I figured the way you guys were holding one another.

Are you mad?

Why would you think that?

I just don't want you mad at me. He asked me to the dance and at the dance he asked if I'd be his girlfriend. I told him I wanted to make sure with you first. And then he got all heated and said that I didn't have to do that because you and him were not an item and had never been.

I'm not mad. He's right. There's no reason to talk to me about it.

Even as I typed that I felt the weirdest sensation in my stomach and my chest tightened up. Tears swelled up in my eyes for no reason again. I was losing my best friends all over again.

That's true. I guess I just thought you liked him and wanted to make sure.

I don't. Rest assured that I do not like Zack, at least not in THAT way.

Okay, well get better. Will we see you at school tomorrow?

I didn't want to go back to school the next day; I just wanted to disappear, but knew I had to face them sooner or later. I did. Zack started talking to me again but it was different. Still, it was better than nothing.

   ************

With a tear in my eye, I start wondering if maybe he is dating someone and is afraid of telling me like he was that time. It is evident that I need to ask Johnny if Zack has a girlfriend that he is keeping from me.