I discreetly get my phone and text Johnny to ask him if Zack has a girlfriend but he doesn't text back. I sit impatiently wondering if he'll ever respond when people start lining up out of nowhere to check out. For the next ten minutes I am checking people out and don't know if Johnny has texted back because I can't have the ringer on. When I am finished checking those people out I check it but he hasn't replied back. It's not until my lunchtime that he replies and says that there's no girl friend. Now that I know that it's not a girlfriend, I decide to remember something from tenth grade that may help me out.
*********
The first memory I summon up is the first day when he picked Johnny and me up for school. He was older than us and got his license before us. We had to wait towards the end of the calendar year. Mercedes and him were broken up.We were acting like our old selves even in Johnny's presence and then he said the same thing I was thinking.
" I really missed hanging out with you." He looked my way as he said it.
"I missed you too bro!" Interjected Johnny with a hearty laugh. Zack and I looked at each other and laughed even harder.
"Dang, I didn't know I was THAT funny." We kept laughing at Johnny's honest statement, not because it was funny but because it was fun to let out all the laughter. It was almost as if the laughter was a substitute of what we were avoiding. As I laughed along, I wondered what we were both avoiding, but a twinge of fear snuck in me so I laughed harder until I began to cough.
"You alright?" Questioned Zack as he parked the car.
"Nah, I'm good. Just laughing too hard." I said in between coughs.
"Here's some water. See if it'll help." He handed me a bottle of water. I tried to say thank you, but it took me a while to stop coughing. When I managed to speak, I thanked him and we walked inside. When I am done with this memory I move on to another.
I remember him and Mercedes dating back and forth that whole year. Mercedes seemed to always have a boyfriend afterwards whereas Zack would just hang out with me and Johnny. One evening while he sat on the futon I had mom buy just for him, he out of nowhere asked me:
" Why haven't you dated anyone? Is not like your parents forbid it completely but only discourage it.You say they leave it up to you. "
"You wouldn't understand."
"Try me." He got up and sat on my bed. It was the first time he'd ever done that.
" Zack, I don't know. I just don't want to give of myself right now. I have a lot to worry about."
"But you're so beautiful." He looked into my eyes and I was breathless. I didn't know what to do or say so I looked down at my hands fidgeting with my phone. I never knew, at least not for sure, that Zack liked me. The thought made me uncomfortable so I just kept staring down.
"You're scared." He stated evenly. I looked up at him eagerly and ready to explain myself. He smiled as I did.
"What? No, I am not. You don't even know. There are so many things that could happen right now. Love is not certain at our age, and if I fall in love and get pregnant then I have brought a life to this world that I am incapable of taking care of. " He stopped smiling and placed his warm hand on mine and made it tingle.
"I understand that. But what if it doesn't. Things don't necessarily turn bad. Not if you don't let them."
"The chances for them to turn out badly are higher than them not happening at all. So I want to play it safe." He removed his hand from mine.
"Alright, I get it." He seemed resigned of something and I asked myself if I had just broken Zack's heart without even dating him. He got up from the bed.
"It's time I get going."
"Okay." It was a weird feeling. He hadn't asked me out and he didn't declare he had feelings for me either, but somehow it seemed that he had and that I had refused him somehow. After the few seconds it took him to put his shoes on, I asked:
"See you tomorrow?"
"Sure." He gave me a faint smile. His spirit seemed crushed somehow. I wanted to make it better so I got up, stood on my tiptoes, and hugged his neck like we used to do in Middle School. He had gotten so much taller since then. He brightened up some.
"See you tomorrow then." He said and he left. A few days later he was dating Mercedes again.
**********
That was the reason I wanted to stay his friend I didn't want to lose him and his friendship. It hurt too much. I needed him and didn't want anything to stop us from talking. I decide to stop summoning up the past for a bit as I eat the rest of my lunch when I see Zack heading my way. I try to hide a smile but it's hard. Maybe mom was right. Maybe it was just a phase he was going through and is going to start talking to me again. But as he gets closer it's obvious that he is headed to the table beside me to sit with Gavin another stocker. I feel dumb and take my phone to check the time. I have ten minutes of lunch still but decide to get up and go somewhere else.
YOU ARE READING
The Boy I've Always Loved (Completed)
Teen FictionIt's Sadie's Senior year and she has to come to terms with her feelings for Zack. She has known Zack since the 4th grade, but she has never once thought about him as a boyfriend. As a senior in high school, she has to face what she has been avoiding...
