because of you (raura)

20

4 months
I couldn't keep up. The mind of a child is so fast. Reaux will be talking about a commercial she saw earlier to running outside wanting to be centipede in under 4 minuets.
The time I got to spend with her I was grateful for. Laura was weary about who came in contact with her. She didn't like Reaux to go in public much. She wanted to keep her close and safe as much as she could.
During this time with her I've already learned so much about her. Reaux loved to watch movies. It didn't matter what genre or language it was in she loved them. She didn't like it when you left her alone. She always had to go where you go. I learned this when I had to use the bathroom and came back and she was under the sink. She loved her back being scratched or her hair was combed. She didn't like it when Rocky set off the alarm at three in the morning.
I'm working on my relationship with Laura, but that'll take a long time to develop again. Laura is too scared to be in a room alone with any man. She always has to be with my mom or Rydel. Her mind was always three steps ahead of every situation. If we are in a crowded room, she'll look for the quickest escape route. I guess it's just a habit. She's gotten so much better and is learning to trust more.
When I am with my girls nothing else enters my mind. Nothing else seems to matter. I've quit the band and laid low for a while. Right now I just want to spend some alone time with family.
    With Reaux turning five, I want to be with her nonstop. Considering I've missed four years in the past I refuse to miss anymore of her life.
    Mom and Rydel are planning her the biggest surprise party you can imagine. And with her being five if you ask her what kind of cake or ice cream is her favorite she'll have forgotten 20 minuets later. For her birthday I'm getting her a huge paint set. She loves to paint everything,she proved this when she decided to paint car with wall paint.
      My parents are getting her an American girl doll. Riker's getting her a huge poster of the dinosaurs. She cried for days when we told her they no longer existed. Rydel will be getting her a red velvet jewelry box. I had to remind her she's turning five but all she said was "it was something that will last her years" but we got her one of those indestructible rubber balls and she popped it an hour later.
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THE NEXT DAY

The official party theme is "in the mountain" whatever that means.
I think Rydel and my mom just wanted to wear their blue flower crowns.
    The table is covered in blue and white pedals and a gold carpet is laid on the floor. Isn't only us just going?
    Laura has kept a small part in this planning because she doesn't want to ruin her girls day. I told her this would be impossible but she ignored me. I think Laura's starting to thing Reaux doesn't need her. I would try and talk to her about it but she tells me that I'm insane and don't know what I'm talking about. Laura decided to get Reaux a bracelet for her birthday. A soft purple velvet size adjustable bracelet. It's got two gold hooks that connect and has a small R in the middle. I can tell this means a lot to her even though she says it no big deal.
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     The party is to start when Reaux wakes up from her nap. As if on cue, she walks out in the kitchen rubbing her eyes. Since everyone is in there they yell "happy birthday, Reaux!" She jumps up and runs to Laura immediately. I think we scared her. Realizing who it is and seeing what she sees she runs up to all the decorations and puts half of them in her mouth. What? She is jumping up and down loving all the costumes we have to wear.
     Rydel, Laura and my mom are wearing little elf costumes and us guys are wearing warrior costumes. Not sure how this fits in to the theme but we were threatened so it happened.
    The party goes off without a hitch. Reaux loves all her presents and especially loves her moms bracelet. Putting it on hugging her wrist. She puts her American doll, who she named, Lexi, right next to her as we ate. Her fifth birthday is one she will probably forget but one I know we will never. Her smile and laughs through the night are gonna keep me going for years. I hate that I've lost 4 years with her. I hate that those four years were filled with terror and tears when they should have been filled with hugs and giggles. I love my girls so much and wouldn't ever dream of a day without them again,
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AUTHORS NOTE!

okay, so apparently I update like every once a year now. I'm sorry, you probably don't even read me anymore but here is one chapter that  I literally wrote in the car.  Sorry if it's crappy, i wrote the beginning in 2015 when I was like 14. I went back edited/ read my whole crap story (bc I had forgotten what had happened) anyway I'm sorry, still love y'all and hope y'all love me! Bye!