How do you cope when the person who knows all your secrets and dreams and memories over the past however many years decides it’s time to see other friends? During these past two weeks... I've cried every night. As love flurrishes for a...a friend of mine and success is also in her future and I wish her nothing but the best....I can't help but to currently weep in the darkness that is consuming my room as I type this while lying in bed, the shadows being held at bay only by the light of my phone's small screen. I remember just four months ago I used to be a happy girl, always ready to talk to my friends with open arms when ever they needed my help, I was there. The only thing I ever wanted was their company for as long as we could be together, mostly it's rps and stories that start my friendships, and as the rp grows so too does the friendship, because it's like yay! They are ready to talk and have fun with me again! I'll admit it I always bounce around like a happy Pikachu when I get notification that someone is available to talk and I'm the one who they want to talk to! .....But but for the past two weeks. I dread getting a message. Especially if it's got a quote bubble with a set of two black quotation marks on it. This is the Hangouts symbol. I used to be so happy to see it, but now, everytime I hear the notification sound for Hangouts, that tiny bell can literally scare me and make me panic, make me want to choose my words very very carefully....! I have to focus on trying my best not to mention the RP that has run dry for....we are on the morning of the 19th day right now. You read right. 19 days. When I do mention the rp, more often than not I get a reply of "Is that all you think about?" or what she has said so many times: "I don't have time." Eventually I didn't ask about it for a while, gave her some time and space but then when I ask about it now, I've become physically scared to ask about the rp, I have to literally sum up the courage to ask if we can get into the RP that day and if she is not having a good day, I usually get what I assume is the worst of her rage through her messages, she has even cursed at me several times. I only had a single curse word slip out on accident to leave my keyboard because I was so angry but I apologised. Usually this is how it goes when she decides to take out her fustrasions on me, I ask about the rp and she draws her metaphorical sword first and strikes when I am not expecting it, wounding me emotionally. Most of the time she gets a few more wounds in before I'm forced to defend myself, our swords clash, the battle is brutal, this last battle we had this past morning lasted for hours. And normally I don't stand a chance, she inflicts a lot more damage then she will ever know!! I'm always the one who flees the battle, spiritually and emotionally wounded I have to regroup and hope that I can pick up the pieces. Amber has caused me so much happiness but also pain. But even then I still want to forgive her because I never turn my back on my friends, no matter what they have done to me.
YOU ARE READING
Trying not to lose faith.
Historia Cortawhen you don't feel that you matter to anyone anymore but you don't want to say anything because you are afraid of losing your friends... when is it ok to say, "Enough is enough?"
