to your smile so bright || jung jinyoung

× Chapter 12 - Happiness is Only a Mere Illusion ×

by @tt10500

Cruel and fearful days I'm enduring through alone,

I hold out my hand

But there is no one there to grab it

I didn't know what to think. Wrong. I didn't want to think anything.

I wanted him to feel comfortable enough to say those words to me. I didn't think I was being selfish...I only wanted to be liked. But, in reality.

I wanted us to be happy. I didn't want him to lie to me, saying he liked me when he didn't. So, for the next few days and weeks, we became closer.

He started walking back home with Sonny and I. A notification came through.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked. What type of question was this? Did it needed to be asked?

"What? Uhh, it's up to you." I typed.

I had thought he would always walk the same way we did, but I realised after a few times he lived in the opposite direction of the road. It was when school had ended, after sports. I ran after them in order to make it to the traffic lights.

"Are you walking home?" Jinyoung asked.

"Oh yeah." I replied. I knew what he would say next but I wanted to ask anyways. "You?"

"Yeah, but i'll walk this way with you."

"Yeah? What?" I stopped. "Don't you normally walk home this way?"

"I could, but it takes longer." he said.

"What the hell walk on the other road.."

"I'll walk back with you don't worry,"

"Fine..." I finally gave in. "Only today ok?"

He gave me a wink and I backed down. What a powerful healer.

He had lived on the opposite road, but was walking with me on the road to my house. Was I too dumb enough to realise that? Was he caring about me?

I told them that I was leaving on the street down.

Just as I was about to wave them goodbye, Jinyoung suddenly put one arm around me. I was too shocked to say anything, so I did it back. It reminded me back when we played chase "tip" in 6th grade where the boys and girls had to chase after each other and tip them on the back or shoulder. He had hugged me back then too- with both arms, as a sign of "I've caught you so you can't escape me" rather than "I like you".

I snapped back into the present and snuck a look at Sonny, who tried to look away. Aisshh, that darn boy, I sighed in my head. He acted as if he didn't know what had happened. My heart beated faster than a fired accelerator.

As I got back home, I wanted to tell Youjung everything- how I had confessed to how he had just hugged me. I was beaming with happiness, like a dog getting a treat.

"Unnie! Youjung-ah! Guess what happened!" I texted her.

10 minutes later...no reply. Ok maybe she was busy.

47 minutes later...no reply. Maybe she was doing her assignments?

1 hour and 54 minutes later...no reply. She was normally on her phone every minute. What happened?

3 hours and 15 minutes later...no reply. Okay. I wasn't being petty but was she ignoring me?

She had posted a picture of her and her boyfriend on KLtalk. So she was on...

I messaged her again.

"Youjung? Are you ignoring me?" I asked. "Why are you ignoring me?"

No reply. I gave up. I felt left- out of this world. There was no one to talk to, no one to turn to and no one to help me. I was in my own world- full of hurt and heavy lingering feelings for someone who probably wouldn't actually like me. I was tired.

I felt like I was selfish- selfish for making him like me. It's all my fault, a lingering voice said. If you didn't like him, you wouldn't have been such a mess. As days went by, my two so called "closest friends" had seemed like strangers. I would see them every morning with their boyfriends, always kissing or hugging them. Not once would I get "Are you okay?" or "How are you going?"

They were almost inseparable. Youjung rarely hung with me and I felt like I was slowly fading. Just like a maple leaf slowly being crumpled and granulated like I was never a part of something. I CAME UP WITH A CONCLUSION – to never trust anyone and keep it to yourself. No matter how painful or hurting it is, you must always fake a smile and move on. That's how I started living.

So all I could do was fake a smile and watch them loving each other from far away. In class Youjung was the same- she was on her phone all lessons, texting her boyfriend. She hadn't even done work during class time. I felt worried- she was the top student of the class and now she was falling behind. At the start of each class, she would bring out her stuff and go on her phone.

For the rest of the lesson, she would be on her phone, texting her boyfriend. Not once she would say anything to me. That was when I decided to let myself go and not stay with her anymore. I missed her clingy self who would always wanted to talk to me and laugh. I missed it so badly, I really did.

She noticed it after a few weeks.

I wanted to tell her- the fact that I was so left out and hurt. Even Sonny could see it.

"I see that Youjung's leaving you out," he said. "Stay strong."

I could do nothing but nod. If I spoke, I knew I would break down. I was a person to cry easily, knocking down the walls of pain inside. I could see her coming towards my way, and I tried quickly running the opposite direction. But she had grabbed my wrist before I could do so.

"Where were you?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said, trying to unravel my wrist under hers. Had she finally asked me that question that I had wanted to hear so badly, after weeks?

"Just don't talk to me."

I finally succeeded in unravelling my wrist and walked off. She wouldn't understand what was going inside...she was living in the perfect life. She wouldn't understand. I was such a bad friend...I hadn't even told her what was wrong and I had left her. But seeing her made me feel worse. I was the bad comparison.

Holding back my tears, I locked myself inside the dance room. The dance room- it was just an empty space with a mirror. I looked into the mirror and saw an ugly figure, tears drowning down it's face. You must be going through a lot, I called out to it.

Youjung started sitting with other people in class. I felt less guilty about it. Thinking about her and Jinyoung only made me feel bad and weak.

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Ah damn this chapter hit me hard aha. I wish I could gain more views and votes...these days i'm really unmotivated to write more because there's no one who reads it. On the other hand, thank you to those who read it!

my socials : @tt10500

Also please comment down if you want Jiyoo to have a good or sad ending!

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many thanks,

tammie xx